Who will carry the baby is a matter of personal preference and physical health. Some woman have a stronger desire to carry a pregnancy than her partner, and so she may be the best option, as long as her health and fertility workup also align with her interest. Health insurance factors may be an important financial consideration.

Fertility centers will often provide additional guidance on this issue during initial visits and family planning discussions. Most centers will also require medical and gynecological history on both partners, regardless of whether the couple has already decided who will carry, and these evaluations can provide additional information.

Personal Preference

The desire to carry your child in utero can be a very strong one—as can be the desire to not be the carrier!

Some women have always longed to experience pregnancy and birth and will connect with it in a very real way. Others detest the idea or feel it doesn’t synch with their identity.

Discuss this with your partner to see if there’s an obvious choice. If there isn’t, other considerations, such as the ones that follow, may push your decision one way or the other. If multiple children are in your future, there’s also the option of each of you taking a turn to carry your child.

Health

Health is an important factor when considering who should carry the baby. As already stated, fertility centers will ask for a medical workup for both partners. Factors that influence fertility include the following:

• Age—The younger partner might be most suited for pregnancy, as chances of conceiving during any one cycle drops with advancing age

• Weight—Being over or underweight influences reproductive hormone levels, and, in turn, fertility outcomes

• Hormone issues—Past or current skin, hair, and weight changes may indicate a hormone imbalance and affect fertility

• Chronic illness or disease—illnesses and diseases like diabetes, hypothyroidism, cancer, and STDs may suppress fertility, or their medications may suppress fertility

• Abnormal periods—period-related issues indicate that there might be a problem with ovulation or an abnormality with the development, condition, or release of the egg from the ovaries

• Excessive smoking and drinking—Excessive substance intake can lead to infertility

Employer Benefits and Insurance Factors

Unfortunately, the financial practicality of looking at each individual’s employer benefits and health plans may be a significant factor to who will carry the pregnancy.

If, for example, one partner receives an 8-week, full-pay maternity leave with the option for additional partially paid time off and the other partner is self-employed, this could equal a significant difference in income and postpartum options. Look at what each partner’s employer offers and compare benefits.

Health insurance may also be a significant factor. Insurance plans variety widely, and some plans may not cover fertility treatment when there is no evidence of infertility. If a couple has different insurance through employers, each should investigate thoroughly and call providers for direct information about same-sex fertility treatment.

Who will carry the baby is a big decision but, ultimately, the couple will both be getting the most wonderful gift of motherhood in the end! Supporting each other in this decision and making sure each individual truly respects the other’s needs will be your first step toward parenthood.

Glow Community can connect you with others also on this journey and can provide various experiences about how others made this decision.