This is my angel son Eli William. He was still born October 4, 2017. It’s been five months since I had to give my perfect little angel back. The day prior I had started to manically gush blood and was taken to the hospital. Where after explaining to the ER nurse I could not pee in a cup as I was MANICALLY BLEEDING. They gave me the news no mom to be wants to hear. “I’m sorry your baby has no heartbeat” I cried with my mom and we both panicked to call my fiancé and I was rushed into a second sonogram. They said the placenta had started flaking and caused a placental abruption. There was a tear in my uterus and it wasn’t clotting. I had lost three pints of blood before this was all over with. I barley remember most of the beginning besides arguing with my finace why nothing was being done because they had to prolong the process until I got blood or I would have definitely lost my life. I flatlined at one point during hard labor, and passed out during delivery. Then my angel was here to hold. He was perfect. And I didn’t want to give him back... he had been mine for 31 weeks. I’ve been through a lot in life like showing up to my best friends house after he commited suicide or seeing another friend slit their throat in a webcam because he knew I was hours away and anything. I called his girlfriend and the cops. And that’s just a glimpse into my life, but this was by far the worst pain I had ever dealt with. I had wished for the longest that I didn’t make it through. I learned to be grateful to have held my son and through talking to other moms even getting to see my baby, some don’t get that. Now my blood levels have been normal, I’m slightly anemic and have a hole in my heart and my arms where my eli should be. I don’t know why I felt today was the right day to share my story. But I’m just feeling a little down.

I love and miss you so much eli.

If any angel mama is ever feeling down I’m a message away

miscarriage and stillborns