Now I am perfectly aware these feeling are considered "normal" wail counting down your finale months of pregnacy, but I mean the world has never felt like it's falling down around me more then it does today...

First I get told by my boss that she plans on writing me up if she can't dock my hours from a doctors not she's been pressuring me to get that I DO NOT NEED. I have no idea why she's treating me so negatively during my pregnacy and I am beginning to belive she has a personal vendetta against me because she had her children taken away from her and is not allowed contact with them and I belive it's hard for her to know what I will have with my own child. So instead of empowering she's tearing me down.

Now the worst part about that is she's my unbiological Aunt. I've know her since I was 3-4 years old she's always helped me and this 360° turn she's doing on me hurts my heart so much expcially when I need her support the most. She herself had been slacking of using atleast 1 sick day sometimes more for the last month and a half and I've been picking up her slack so athe fact sge keeps throwing me under the bus makes no sense to me and I just can't figure out why. No one's in trouble by any other higher ups, her bosses are proud and happy with our stores work yet somehow I'm always doing something wrong. Reporting her seems to harsh and could lead to them taking her side and me loosing my job even though I've done nothing wrong I've seen it happen before at my job with former employees... and talking to her is to hard she takes everything I say/do personally...

Onto the really stressful part. The realization in a world where government assistant is being sucked away day by day more and more that I am going to be a single parent... With no help from anyone... Not even my own Mother...

My boyfriend/baby dady/whatever has no job and lives rent free at his grandmothers house. He did three times have a job in the 7 months I've known him and each one he ither got fired from or got to hot headed to do what he was told and quit. He's a quiter... He made me a million promises he never kept up on he crashed his car and we live in a small town with little to no work available and he's made a bad name for himself and rarely leaves his PlayStation... And he is sooo quick to take money/help from me that it makes me uncomfortable and makes it impossible for me to think he could ever support our child for a long period of time...

The excuses...

He's 19... IM 20. I AM 1 YEAR OLDER THEN HIM. WHY DO I HAVE TO HAVE MY SHIT TOGETHER BUT HE GETS TO HANG FUCKING LOOSE... It drives me insane...

I knew him for 2 months and got pregnant... Unplanned... And he swore he would do everything he could and when it finally was looking up for him he crashed his car being careless one night with his cousin when he knew 3 days prior to the accident his job was cutting him down to part time meaning he would work when or if they needed help... Which they don't because they could barley pay there employees as is let alone him for an odd job... Just plain stupidity... And I know he has to make his own choices but I just finacially am fucked and I can't help but blame him for it alittle... And resent him for it alot...

I know he's not the only one to blame I was a willing participant and I understand sex leads to babies sometimes... Even protected sex... And I spent alot of money this Christmas trying to make everyone feel special like I always do...

I'm going to try and keep my head down at work and I'll probably avoid my partner for awhile... I just feel so buried and I don't know how to get out... And I don't have answers and I'm running out of time... All I can see is someone trying to take my baby from me and it kills me so much in a way I've never been hurt... I'm trying to be strong but no one ever tells you how hard that is when your emotionally and physically drained in every aspect of your life...

On this I do hope I'm alone... No one should feel as low as I do right now... Expcially not somone who's 5 months pregnant as I am... I just needed to vent and have no support system no friends or family who could help...

The Not Great Part Of Pregnancy

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