I don’t have anyone to speak about abortion with. I can’t even say the word out loud.

I went through fertility treatment after a miscarriage and years of negative pregnancy tests.. from the fertility treatment I conceived my now 10 month old very active child. I love my baby more than I could ever convey. I also have an older child (almost a teen) who still needs my attention and care.

I’ve just found out I’m pregnant. I thought I was going through early menopause or something to be honest... but then I just knew and my heart sank.

With my first positive test I was terrified at being a mom but knew in my heart it was meant to be. The second time I was nervous but the pregnancy didn’t last past 10 weeks and I was heartbroken. With the third I was over the moon excited. I still am in awe of this little human I so desperately wanted part of our life. Now with this fourth positive test my heart just sank. I was looking forward to plans I have made with my older child that have been put off due to pregnancy and a new infant... I was looking forward to having time to raise my new little one and give the attention I wanted to with my first but couldn’t due to school and work.. and I simply don’t have the money or the room for another child at this time. I’m living with my parents. My partner is struggling to support and provide for our family as it is. My partner pays the small amount of rent my parents request and for his vehicle but does not contribute when my children need things, we barely have groceries if I don’t drain my account, I pay my own phone bill and have had to lend him money to pick up the couple of groceries we absolutely needed. I’m currently on mat leave and getting 22% of my salary. My partner does not help me with the children accept for when he feels like playing with them which is usually very short lived. He always seems to have something to smoke up or alcohol to drink but no money when we need diapers.

I don’t even know if I want to marry him we are so on the outs because of his lack of parenting and adultness. I don’t know I would be able to provide the right attention to my older child, my baby and a new baby. I shower once a week and thats usually because my parents watch the baby.

I can’t help feeling like abortion is not right for me but at the same time feel it’s what’s right for my already born children. I feel like by allowing myself to fall pregnant I have failed them already. I’m still breastfeeding my very active 10 month old who always just wants me and feeling like my older child needs more attention from me. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about abortion as I know my parents will be furious about.

My fathers already inquiring about more babies. My sister struggled with fertility as well and would probably lash out at me.

I just want to make the right decision for me and my children and don’t know what to do. My partner obviously is pushing abortion. My heart is divided. My mind can’t even focus. I suffered with the baby blues after the birth this time and worry depression might be in my future and want someone to talk to who won’t judge me

*adoption is not an option for me... I wouldn’t be able to let the baby go. It’s hard for me to admit but I feel abortion is what’s right ... I’m worried about regretting my decision...*

In regards to giving the baby to my sister: she has a 4.5month old

Abortion Support