I’ve had HSV-2 for 7 years and it has put my love life in shambles. Recently, I started talking to a coworker who has a 1 year old but is not currently with his baby mother. Our connection grew quickly and long story short we had sex.

As always, I am nervous and terrified of telling a new partner about having herpes because it can easily become a deal breaker so I usually wait until I know for sure that we are going to have sex to disclose. I wasn’t sure if I was going to pursue that with him because I’ve never dated someone with a kid before and that was always a deal breaker for me but after confiding in close friends and family I decided to consider it and give him a chance.

We went out for the night and shared a drink and smoked weed before going back to his place and right before we did it I told him I had herpes forgetting to clarify if it was oral or genital. His reaction was telling me that he was not looking for a relationship because he recently got out of one (but didn’t tell me how recent), and the next thing I knew he kissed me and we had sex.

I went back the next day and it wasn’t until after we had sex again that I decided to ask if he was sleeping with anyone else and to my surprise he told me his baby mother and that he was hoping they could work things out and get back together. Had I known this I wouldn’t have slept with him and jeopardized that.

Fast forward, a week later he calls and tells me that we shouldn’t have sex anymore because he started researching and learning more about the STD and didn’t want to risk it since he wanted his girl back, I was sad but understood. Fast forward again to yesterday, he texts me after work saying he thinks he has it and sends me a picture of a sore which confirmed it for me. He then proceeded to spam text me saying that I ruined not only his life but his families life and that now he’ll never get his family back together. He tells me next time don’t wait till the next guy is drunk and high to tell him so he can make an informed decision. In the moment I was also a little drunk and high and didn’t not process that he didn’t process what I told him, I just wrongfully assumed he knew and was ok with it.

I got him to meet with him face to face to discuss it and realized I didn’t know what to say to him. He told me the immense pain he’s feeling radiating up his back and asked how to deal with it and I didn’t have a good answer for him. He showed me his finger and told me that he has it there too and I was unaware that it can spread there. Because of this he’s broken and expressed to me that now he has to be careful changing his child’s diaper, if even changing them at all. He also told me that a couple days after he had sex with me he had sex with his baby mother and could have possibly spread it to her.

I feel absolutely horrible that I’ve caused this much pain and suffering in this man’s life as that was never my intention. I didn’t want to believe that I was a monster but after speaking to him that’s all I envision myself as. I have never spread this to anyone in my life and never could have imagined it would affect this many people. I feel shameful, guilty, stupid, ugly, and depressed more than I’ve ever felt in my entire life.

I don’t know how to make this situation right for me or him. I don’t want to touch another person again and have had nonstop suicidal thoughts and anxiety attacks. I’ve never been someone to cause any form of harm to others and I usually prefer to suffer in silence and keep my pain to myself. I don’t know how long I can go on for knowing that I’ve cause irreparable damage to an entire family. I already struggle with re-finding myself after having this STD and now I fear I’m forever lost.

I just started this job and really enjoy some of the people there but now am considering if I should relocate. I have to see him at least twice a week during work but I don’t know if I can handle seeing him and knowing what I’ve done. I’ve never hurt someone this bad before and I don’t know how to make it right or think I ever can.

HSV Support