Jobs/career

● Im struggling to get a good job because I feel like I lack skills. I'm not good with interviews and I often come across timid/shy therefore not everyone always thinks I'm capable of things. I can't even have my own thoughts it feels like for example someone might say something and other people can come up with different things/conclusions on a situation. I just seem like someone who just agrees. I struggle to speak to difficult people like I literally don't know how to respond, I manage to respond but then it's not the way I want to actually respond. I work in housing so for example someone on the phone could be demanding a property or I could speak to someone who's adamant about something and then I have to talk to them to not get their own way, but it feels difficult and I do feel myself going red and I do feel panicky inside....I don't speak up because of this and so I become self-conscious. I want to get a good job but I struggle because I don't even feel smart like I can't talk to others properly and also feel like I'm going to stay in low paying positions forever because I just don't take on challenges.

Family

● Things have actually improved. There are things going on but I'm not that bothered about it and I do feel like this definitely makes me feel like a bad person. I don't talk to one of my 'sister', I don't call her my sister or count her, I stopped talking to her for about 2 or 3 years now I think because she's said some really horrible things to me just out of nowhere honestly and got really personal. She did do drugs and just kept on blaming it all on mental health using it as an excuse. I won't ever forgive her, I don't think about it though. About my brother, he is in a care home...he has autism they said and he literally doesn't want to see us so we can't really see him. I'm not that bothered about that one either which I also feel is strange....I was close to my brother abit at one point when he was younger. Now it just feels like he has no emotions and doesn't care about anyone not even about himself. My mum asks me to contact him so I do but then when there's a rejection it does sorta hurt so I just avoid it all.

Loneliness

I don't feel this one much maybe because I've got a big family and now I live with my partner. But sometimes I feel this one because I don't actually have anyone I call a friend. It feels like I want a friend but then I find myself not making the effort in wanting to talk or meet anyone. I'm quite social and talk to everyone, at work i interact with a lot of people and colleagues so this feels like it's enough for me but maybe it matters to me because it matters to my partner a lot. He has few friends he's been friends with for a very long time but he doesn't make any new friends and says him and I should both make friends. It's not something that is that important to me but I can see why it is important to others. My husband doesn't really have a big family so I suppose this does make sense a bit.

Myself/what I'm like

● i think this bothers me a lot and is the main issue in my life right now for me as well being overly attached to my partner which I'll share after this.

What i want to change about myself is being able to be direct with others without sounding not confident or uncomfortable and also I don't want to be going red when I'm having a disagreement with others or trying to get my point across.

I want to work on speaking better and using better phrases and being able to think outside the box. I just want to become smart.

Love life

● Married and attached to partner and I think I'm too focused on that. I get scared of losing him sometimes like he may leave me or find a better connection.with other women and it bothers me. He does work with a lot of women, he is very loyal and has not given me any signs of being disloyal. I feel jealous because sometimes I would have those thoughts....like he probably fancies his colleagues and has sexual thoughts about them, this makes me jealous because I just don't like the thought...I've asked myself why but I don't quite know.

Also if I do have disagreement with my partner, (we very rarely do) i start panicking really badly thinking he might leave me and it scares me so much. I do like quite a lot of qualities about him but I just feel very attached to him.

Advice