I just need to get this off my chest. For several years now, I've been really depressed. I've had many suicidal thoughts, and in some cases almost committing it. And I've cut my wrists. I used to not eat as much food as I should be. I've always hated myself and the way that I look. And I got into a really bad relationship where I lived in constant fear that he was going to hit me. He would always get mad at me, even if I asked him if he was okay. He used to force me to touch him, even after i resisted, which always hurt my wrist and made them red. And whenever I told him not to touch me, he would just do it anyways. I was too afraid to get out of that relationship and would refuse to tell anyone what was wrong, even my parents. So my depression got worse and he told me that he wouldn't deal with that. I would eat less, and my parents noticed but they said that if I was aneroxic, they wouldn't put up with it either. But I finally got out of that relationship and a year later, I met this new guy, and he pulled me out of my depression for a little bit. He's now my boyfriend, and he got me eating more and made me happy. I've never been so happy in my entire life. But recently, I've been getting depressing thoughts again. Nothing is wrong with our relationship at all though, I would just get these thoughts random. I would cry, be upset and sometimes have scary thoughts about harming myself or getting killed. I don't want to tell my boyfriend about it because I don't want him to worry about me. And my parents never knew about my depression or what my ex did. I just feel so alone and helpless and I don't know what to do. I'm sorry to bother you or waste your time. I just needed to get this off my chest.