So, I'm receiving a lot of jokes lately about when I will bear a child. (I'm 27 years old.) But along with those jokes, comes the very serious question of what I would NAME said child. Because my boyfriend is Norwegian (-American), I like Søren or Torbjørn.

Here are some reactions I received: My mother reminds me of my own struggle with hating my name and tells me to be mindful of the stigma a name could cause when he goes to school. (She worries that he'll hate the way people will pronounce it. And with the name Søren, it'll sound funny when paired with his last name. Without giving away too much, my boyfriend's last name ends with -en.)

My dad is afraid that it implies "white supremacy" or some junk like that. Which is absurd, since: 1.) He knows that neither my boyfriend or I are racists. My boyfriend barely even claims his heritage. (He's basically like Miklo from "Blood In, Blood Out). 2.) Scandinavians honor racial equality very well. They really don't deserve to be maligned that way. 3.) Hello? I'm half Latina. And I've been trying to get involved in many racial justice causes lately. (Also, unlike the rest of our extended family, I don't make fun of black people in one sentence, then complain about oppression over Latinos in the next breath. 😒) It would be ridiculous, even laughable, for me to be a white supremacist. And 4.) If I find a Spanish male name that I really like, I'll put it in as a middle name. *shrugs*

My aunt crinkled her nose when she heard me pronounce the names. But she just had a cow when she asked me to actually write them. And being nosy and opinionated the way she is, she just needed to sound off like a madwoman. Her reaction was the same as my mother's. But with the addition of, "Americans don't recognize the "ø" accent! He'll be confused about his letters later on!" So what? Just tell his teachers and classmates to use the lame-ass American pronunciations of "SOHr-ren" or "TOHR-byohrn". As for the "ø" character, it's not hard to explain to him that it's just an "o" that Norwegians pronounce differently. Just take out the line in the middle. Total non-issue. And if worst comes to worst comes to worst, I'll take him to the courthouse to change his name. My bad.

I understand. Everyone's concern stems from love. But what they fail to take into consideration is that my would-be child's father has a name that society considers a girl's name. And people always have to freakin' point it out. As for me, I grew up with a name I hated. I repeatedly told my parents to change it as a child, but they didn't honor my request. It wasn't until I was 18 that my mother gave me a name change as a gift because she felt sorry for how much it made me hate myself. And even when I changed it, everyone gave me grief for it. The government was more understanding than my family. They just asked for proof that I changed my name, perhaps a fee, and just dealt with it. My family went up in arms, telling me that they refused to call me by my new name and that my grandmother was turning in her grave. (My parents originally planned to call me Savannah. But because my father's mother complained that it sounded like the Spanish word for "bedsheets", he threw a hissy fit and gave me my original stupid name that he chose at the hospital, and that my mother hated, to please her.)

So, if anyone knows about name sensitivity, it would be both parents of my would-be child.

That being said, we will still name our child without fear. People can react to how they're named in different ways. Our child could be proud of his name and use his bad experiences in school (if he has them?) to cultivate inner strength. Or he could hate his name, but have the adventure of choosing his own! And the minute he tells me that he hates his name, I'll take him to the courthouse and done!

Besides, should my experience in how named and how society reacts to different names force me to give my child a name like Steve or Dave? (No offense to anyone who has named their children that. The principal here is about choosing names to appease society, not that common names are bad. Besides, if worst comes to worst, I totally wouldn't mind naming my babe Steven, because of Steven Universe. 😍💖)

Anyways, if I have learned one thing from all of this, it's that names ARE a touchy subject, no matter what some people in my social circle say. They tell me that my old name was beautiful, that I should've kept it, that it's not a big deal what other people think, blah blah blah, yackity smackity. Yet when it comes to asking them to call me by my new name, suddenly it's a big deal to them. Suddenly, it's dishonoring my grandmother. Suddenly, it's too goddamn hard to remember because I had the old name for nearly two decades and they REFUSE to adjust to it. So I'll screenshot this rant. And next time, I'll show it to them.

Exercise