My fault

Hey everyone, I'm just posting this to get this off my chest. So recently, I gained a whole bunch of weight. About 50 pounds in 1 and a half years to be exact (I used to weigh 145 but now I weigh 195). I'm over weight and I don't like it. Anyway, my husband saw that I was gaining weight but he thought it was only like 20 pounds or something. So we continuously had sex and he was still up for it. Well, I recently changed my drivers license and they ask for weight so I told them. I told my husband I wasn't proud of my weight so please don't look at my drivers license because it has my weight on there. Well recently, he's been kind of shying away from sex and I thought it was because he's stressed out at work and he doesn't have the drive to have sex. Well I found out that he was looking through my wallet for our credit card and accidentally saw my license and my weight. Also, I found out that he does have a sex drive but uses it to finish himself off almost every night without my knowledge. This really hurts me. I know that I'm not as sexy as I can be but I just thought he would still love me and look at me the same way. He doesn't treat me any different when it's not about sex but sex is an important part of a relationship, I believe. He says he feels like it's his fault because he feels that I gained this weight from moving in with him. Honestly though, I feel like it's my fault for all of this, for gaining weight, for him not being sexually attracted to me. And it doesn't even matter if I'm naked or not, even when I go down on him, I feel like he has to force himself to cum or even just be turned on. I feel so bad because I feel like I'm ruining our relationship and our marriage and I don't want to feel that way. I have tried so many diets and I would lose weight but then plateau and just gain it back again. I know I shouldn't have gained all this weight in the first place but I also feel like he should still love me the same. I just feel like it's all my fault. And I guess I just wanted to get all of this off my chest because I know I can't talk to him about it.