Ah! I'm having partner issues what do I do?

Question

I am currently struggling with my partner. Usually we're on the same page, but for the past couple weeks he has mentioned that it is "embarrassing" for him to tell people I am not going to college. I work, and I'm currently saving to be able to move to a different residence, so I'm not entirely sure why he'd be embarrassed since I'm DOING something. 
Anytime I address the issue and that he makes me feel under appreciated and hurt he exclaims that he "doesn't get why I'm on the offensive". I've never considered myself a failure for not jumping straight to college after highschool.
 I can't afford to, and while his parents are willing to house him, give him a free car, pay for his gas and food while he goes to college, my parent is not. I have to work and save if I intend on accomplishing much. I point this out to him on occasion and he says that I am in no position to talk about his family and how it works?? 
I don't know how to talk to him about this. Is there any advice out there? He's never been a braggart so I don't understand why school is such a huge issue for him and why it'd be "embarrassing" that I'm not attending right away. 
I'm not expecting any responses😅 but I suppose I needed an outlet for once haha.

Answer

Oh wow! There is nothing for him to be "embarrassed" of. You work hard for what you need and want. You're absolutely gorgeous, your parents don't help you like his parents help him, you're so smart and funny. This makes me mad, there's nothing wrong with not going to college. My husband didn't goto college, and is a manager at a tier one automotive company for the big 3, making  $37 an hour. He works 60+ hours a week, and provides for himself, my step son, our son, and me. You should sit him down, tell him you two need to talk, ask him not to speak until you are finished, and explain how he makes you feel. He needs to realize how good he has it, and how hard it would be for you to goto college. I hope things get better, and he realizes it's not okay for him to say those things to you. Good luck, beautiful ❤❤❤

Answer

Sorry you're going through this, Strange!

A few thoughts...

Why now? It's April, so you've presumably not been in college yet for some time, so why is it now that he is feeling embarrassed by telling others that? I find sometimes trying to open a dialogue by asking to understand something works to have a less defensive conversation. "Help me understand why you feel this is embarrassing?"

Also, he sounds like he gets defensive when you bring up your differing family lives. Maybe instead of talking about what his parents are doing, highlight how your family situation works. "I'd love to (insert your own goals here) but my situation requires me to work and save money in order to accomplish that. I hope the friends who hear I'm not going to college can understand my different circumstances."

It may seem silly, but lead conversations with I statements instead of you statements. "I feel undervalued when I hear it's embarrassing that I'm not in college."

I think to just speak on a grander scale, it is SUCH an expectation to go straight from high school to college and this should not be a standard. College is available whenever a person is ready, not only after their senior year of high school. It's perfectly reasonable to either delay going or not go at all. I hope he can understand how his values (and that of the broader society) are playing into this dynamic between the two of you that sounds uncomfortable right now.

Answer

I'm still stuck on that second sentence. Wtf is he on??!? Seriously you have NOTHING to be embarrassed about, you are clearly a hard worker. Be proud you're an independent woman who earns her own money 😊 in fact I bet you that's why he's embarrassed- you are the breadwinner, not him 🙂 carry on doing what you're doing and be really proud of yourself, you're doing great 😃 university/college isn't for everyone and that's fine. It doesn't mean you won't get where you want to be in life 🙂

Answer

You deserve so much better!

Answer

I think what you're doing is admirable. He should be proud of you. There is no "right" way to do life, there is  right way for you as an individual, and I believe yure doing that. College is expensive and loans are putting everyone in debt until death. You do what you have to do how you have to do it with no apologies.  If he can't understand that, and instead mke you feel less than what you deserve, maybe this isn't the best partnership after all. Good luck to you doll, with however it works out. You seem to have a really good head on your shoulders, don't let anyone take away some of that light.

Answer

Girl I get u. Times are tough, especially when u need money to do things like buy a car, rent an apartment, things of that nature. He should definitely not be embarrassed at all. You're working and trying to make a living. Working and going to college can be EXTREMELY stressful. And news breaker, not everyone goes straight to college after HS. I took a semester off and got so much crap for it. Just tell him how u feel. There's not much else u can do. Try to explain that it hurts u by him being embarrassed because u aren't in college. I hope everything works out for u guys! U keep doing u

Answer

I'm sorry. Hopefully he opens his eyes soon.

Answer

As far as I'm aware, college is expensive everywhere and building up some savings to help you cover costs is a financially mature decision- doing what's best for the long run and not just what's good for today. Good on you for taking this option and doing what you need to achieve your long term goals. Fuck him if he can't see that! And fuck him if he's not willing to treat you as an equal. I don't have advice, I just know you've got nothing to be ashamed of, and he's the one that needs to ashamed of himself.

Answer

Girl, do what feels best for you! Tell your boyfriend to kick rocks. I guess his parents can offer to give you a free ride, too, if he can't deal with the "embarrassment"! 😂

Ah! I'm having partner issues what do I do?

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