I know this isn't pregnancy related but I could really use someone to talk to. My mom was emotionally abused by her mother and unfortunately continued the pattern with me. My whole life I was constantly manipulated, lied to, betrayed, and insulted whenever the mood struck her. She also has an alcohol problem. When I found out I was pregnant, I all of a sudden found the strength to stand up to her and tell her she can't treat me like this. Suffice to say it has blown up in my face and she has been more vicious than ever. Even being around her when she seems calm is terrifying because you never know when she's going to turn on you. I haven't felt loved and safe with my mom since I was 4 years old. I've had nightmares of her strangling, biting, and clawing me since I was about 5 or 6. I have suggested she get treatment as she has many symptoms of borderline personality disorder and has tons of conflict in all of her relationships (but ours is worst because I'm the only one that has stood up to her). She refuses, says she doesn't need help, and that I'm the only one that needs help. Meanwhile, I've been in therapy for years to try to learn how to cope with having her as my mother. I try to avoid her as much as possible, but she goes through periods where she thinks we can be close and starts harassing me about staying close by once I have the baby. It's further complicated by the fact that my brother, though he has struggled with her abuse as well, continues to be around her and doesn't challenge her when she's being abusive. And my dad is still married to her and is always just trying to placate her, even though he and my brother both agree she needs treatment and that she's abusive. So I feel like I have to maintain some sort of relationship with her in order to keep our family together and continue seeing my dad and brother. But I just cannot take the vitriol from her and quite frankly, it terrifies me to think of her in my son's (due August 7) life. Meanwhile, my dad will I know be a wonderful grandfather and I really do want him around my son, just not my mom. I have (mostly) accepted that my mom has never been and most likely never will be the mother I needed and deserved...but when she is vicious to me it still destroys me. I feel so unwanted and unlovable because the one person who is always supposed to love you and treat you well is your mother...and I've never had that so it makes me feel defective in a way. Does anyone else deal with this? I feel so alone because all my friends have great mothers who they have a really close relationship with. If you do deal with this, how have you healed? What helps, what works for you?