Does my SO have Aspergers? Or similar condition?
* I don't mean to offend anyone, I have a niece & nephew on the spectrum. I just want to understand & know how to deal with my SO. Whether he's on the spectrum, inexperienced or just a huge introvert *
I'm wondering if my SO might have Asperger Syndrome. He blames all the below on his energy deficiency, and resulting lethargy, or introvertness, but I'm beginning to wonder. It's really affecting me.
He's very smart and functional. Good with numbers, presenting, teaching and orderliness. He's loving & thoughtful in lots of ways, does a lot of writing and reading. I'm not complaining but a bit puzzled...
We've been together over a year. We're in our 30s and recently moved in together. He was single from 25-30. Before that, his longest relationship was 7-8 months dating. He's used to living alone.
- I went on holiday for 5 days & nights. I looked forward to our reunion but he didn't really miss me or seem enthused to have me home. He explained he'd felt run down, seemed surprised I was hurt by this.
- He doesn't look forward to specific events or things in our future (eg holiday, prospect of parenthood even though he's onboard with it, he doesn't think about it and I think he perceives me as fanticising).
- He deals in the now & immediate all the time. He talks about our life together in very broad terms, without planning specifics.
- He needs a lot of sleep and a lot of 'me time' (alone) to recharge. To the point where he said he'd come out to meet a couple of my friends for lunch but would just excuse himself to leave early. He seems to think that is acceptable, I had to explain. The lunch hasn't happened yet, but I'm a little anxious over it.
- Although I've said it's important to me, he doesn't care whether we eat meals together, as long as he eats 'on time'. That matters most to him.
- Funny about food textures. Also funny about the feeling of the dog's fur against his bare skin (loves dog, dislikes the fur feeling)
- Gets upset about his plans being disrupted by unforeseen events
- Expects us to schedule in relationship discussions for about 1 hour fortnightly, save all things for then, not in between. If something comes up sooner, he wants to wait until our next talk, or if I insist goes quiet, says he can't think, or his 'mind is full'.
- Can go 6-9 days without lovemaking, and doesn't seem to understand why this concerns or bothers me.
- Seems surprised and frustrated when I'm affected by the above points. Also by my wanting to deal with issues promptly, and not schedule them, expecting me to putting my feelings on hold.
- Doesn't get angry really, or have meltdowns. Can be very grumpy, and can speak bluntly or curtly without realising.
Please tell me what you think.
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