All this work trying just seems hopeless. 

My husband and I just started actively trying, but for two years I've been hoping id get pregnant to no avail. (I wasn't trying behind his back or anything, just tracking my cycle religiously, and reading up on every forum and symptom in existence) like, I feel like I've been TTC for two years and as soon as I'm ready to give up, and just be okay not being a mom, he's ready to start seriously trying. 

But literally every single time I'd be a little late and Thought "oh, man! This is our month!", bought a pee stick just to get a BFN and AF show up the very next day! My mom tells me all the time "it's just not your turn." Well I'm tired of waiting my turn for literally everything in life just to have it come up to find out there's no more time for my turn it's time to go home for the day! (Park rides, birthdays, school projects and presentations, chances with guys, job interviews, job offers, and now babies... I've had to wait my turn all my life just to not get it. (And my birthday is complicated, I come from a poor family who see everything material, and would push my birthday by months because they couldn't afford it a week after Christmas when I was perfactly fine not getting gifts and hurst wanted the company of my family...and expressed that often)

Sorry just venting frustrations because I am an emotional f*ing wreck. I just want to yell every cuss word I can possibly think of! 

And on top of all this crap I'm feeling, my husband and his friend don't approve of my friend choice, and I can't disagree and say she's not a bad influence and over all a huge bitch sometimes, but weve been through a ton of shit together. But she did piss me off recently so I haven't been talking to her, and instead confiding in my BEST guy friend (seriously, if him and I we any closer, we'd be married or siblings...weird to say, I know) and I can be really clingy towards him and in the state I'm in I feel like I need someone to talk to 24/7 and he's usually there for me in a heartbeat but recently had some "feelings" drama that is pulling us apart and ruining our friendship so we've tried not texting as much and he does this thing where he lies to himself and "fakes it til he makes it". Meaning he's telling himself (AGAIN, we went through this before when we first tried dating, but he has commitment issues) that he doesn't like me, barely as friends, and that I annoy him when I text too much (even tho a week ago he was texting me constant.) my husband knows about it, and we are working through everything. And I'm trying to give my best friend space because I'm sure this is hard on him too. 

I just want life to be less complicated!!!!! ???UUUGGGHHHHHH!!!