I desperately need to seek medical help and realistically I know that. I suffered from bipolar, anxiety and depression long before I got pregnant and had my daughter. I stopped taking all medication while pregnant and did pretty well. However, im now 10 months pp and suffering from unimaginably bad depression and anxiety and anger. I an breast feeding and although I know there are some safe medicines to take I refuse to put anything in my body like that while nursing. I also have the worst anger and I'm so impatient and irrational with my daughter. I love her so much it kills me. But I know I need help and I'm worried if I try to get help they'll just tell me I'm an unfit mother or something crazy and then everything will just get worse. I'm so tied and sleep deprived as I haven't had more than maybe 5/6 hours of sleep a night since well before she was born. She refuses milk from bottles and cups so I've never left her for more than like 3 hours either. I feel trapped on this house and in this body. I eat out if depression and keep gaining weight which makes me more upset. I can't manage to keep the house clean and feel like a shitty wife and mom. I just need help and there are so few drs on my insurance network that are close enough with openings. Sigh. Why has it been so hard to find help. I'm struggling so bad here. Just want to give up. Sorry for vent just needed to get it out.