Ps I wish I were as strong as you ladies. I'll probably bury this deep inside myself and pretend it didn't happen.

EDIT: I'll tell the whole story since I'm on Anonymous anyways. My husband and I had been having issues with sex, more specifically with our 3 month old. She is super duper attached me. We exclusively nurse and bed share. So when we are going to have sex we put the baby on a different surface and go as far as we can. She usually wakes up right in the middle, and I'll nurse her and end up falling asleep. Usually when this happens my husband gets all flustered and will touch me until I wake up and have to slap him because I'm not in the mood/its already late and I want to sleep. I understand his frustrations as I am sexually frustrated too. Two nights ago the same thing happened and I ended up being touched while breastfeeding until 6 am when I got furious and begged him to let me sleep. Last night I just wasn't in the mood so I told him to watch some porn or something as I slept. I woke up shortly after  to him giving me oral as I slept while my daughter was nursing (side sleeping position) I was so angry be flustered I just told him to stop but he proceeded to get a condom and have sex w me with my daughter attached to my boob. I felt incredibly violated and I gave up, just blankly staring at the ceiling and dying on the inside. He eventually realized that he was being a monster and stopped.  I am asking the Lord that no psychological problems come to my daughter from this, I mean she was sleeping but you never know. I haven't been able to speak to him.  Side note: I was violently raped when I was 16 and he knows that, so the fact that he did this to me opens old scars. I feel broken, maybe I'm overreacting but I'm trying to keep it together for my daughter. I posted this thread in hopes of support which most of you have offered but to those saying rape in marriage doesn't exist: I hope you don't have to learn that it does, the hard way.