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Just need to vent.

My anxiety is in full gear. When I began my ttc journey, 2 + years ago, I never imagined it would be this hard. I had hoped to lose about 25 lbs, but by no means would that put me at a "perfect weight", but it was a start. I sit here, 2 years later, with 60 lbs to lose to put me at that goal. No matter what I do, I can't seem to do anything but gain weight. I suck at dieting/exercising. I'll work my ass off for weeks eating right, exercising and nothing. Not one damn pound lost, no inches lost. Nothing. I hate that I can't stick to it. I hate that even when I do, nothing happens. I'm the heaviest I've ever been, and I feel disgusting. I don't want to leave my bed, let alone my house, because I don't want to be around people. Nothing fits me anymore. Everything I wear makes me feel like a giant blimp or circus tent. Go to the gym? There are people there. Go for a walk outside? People might see me. Shop for clothes that will fit? Ha! People there too. I've seriously contemplated calling into work tomorrow, because I don't have anything to wear! Ridiculous right?? Although I know deep down I won't do it. My husband and I have been trying to eat much better recently. Two weeks ago. He cut out pop and is down 15 lbs already... I cut out pop 6 months ago and I'm up 7. I can't win... How on earth will I ever conceive at this weight? I'm not ovulating (thanks to PCOS and being fat), and don't even get me started on having sex... I just can't bring myself to do it since I feel so gross. Not like dh is initiating it all that often anyways.

I hate to sound so whiny, but I just needed somewhere to vent.

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