Just don't back story: About three years ago I was quite depressed and started cutting myself, I ended up telling my parents about it one night when it was really bad, I also told them some stuff about my boyfriend at the time (we were together for four years) and they decided that it was his fault and made me cut all ties with him, I wasn't even allowed to say goodbye. Furthermore, I was also grounded for some of the things that I confessed to them in my moment of weakness. So i was effectively cut off from the world and all of my friends while I " got better" (yeah right). Eventually I convinced them that I was better (though I wasn't), and I was taken off of grounding.

By and by, I did heal. With much help from my now husband. I no longer cut myself, but I mostly don't do it for him, because I promised I wouldn't.

Fast forward to now, my husband and I have moved across the country for his new job. We've been here four months. I don't have a job because our circumstances won't allow it at the moment.

And I've never been more depressed in my whole life, I just feel so useless. I hate myself and everything I do just makes me hate myself more. I don't have a job to get up for anymore, so when my alarm goes off at 8 I just shut it off and sleep till noon. Then I hate myself for wasting half of the day, but I still have trouble motivating myself to get out of bed. If it weren't for the dog begging me to be let outside I'm not sure I would.

Then after wasting half the day sleeping I get up and try to motivate myself to do some things around the house, but mostly I don't. And then I hate myself more for being lazy. And then my husband comes home and sees that I've done nothing all day and gets irritated about that. And I just feel worse because I should be doing more, and I wasn't to be doing more, I just can't seem to make myself actually do it.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I just wasn't so badly to stop being this way. I want to cut myself so bad, just to relive some pressure. I can't talk to my husband about it because he doesn't understand, he just says to get over myself and stop having a pity party.

I guess I just needed to let some stuff out. Sorry for the novel of a post. If you've read this far you truly are a saint. I don't even know if any off it makes sense. I just needed to talk to somebody, so thanks.