7 years old

Hi I'm totally new to this I'm not really sure why I'm doing it I just need to get somethings out recently I've had some blocked memories start to unblock themselves and I feel like talking about everything and getting support will help ease the pain.... here's my story from the ages 5 to 7 I was molested by two of my brothers and my uncle at 7 I was drunkenly raped my dad I loved my dad I truly believed he was the best person in the world.... I even told him he raped me and said that I didn't know what to call it cuz I knew he loved me and wouldn't knowingly do that to me but as it turns out he was beating and raping my mom (sometimes at the same time) and molesting my sister who was 12 one of the memories was of me trying to sleep in my dad's bed (I wouldn't sleep on my own ever) and I would press myself against the mirror when it became to warm at night but in my memories I was already freezing cold but I was daring myself to press different parts of me against this mirror trying to get as far as possible the far side of the bed and then I saw my dad's silhouette in the background whip his belt off and then whip it down on SOMEONE and then I curled into the very corner of the bed and put the pillows on top of me I realized why I used to sleep under the pilots now... not just cuz it was comfy.... then I found out I have 9 half siblings and 3 of them I don't know 3 of them were my mom's kids and the other 3 well my brother rueben used to live with me where my dad physically abused him from what I was told and got taken away to a foster home and my other 2 sites were already in a foster home and started visiting my dad at the ages 12 and 14 they told me they were being rufied everytime they went over and barely remembered anything but knew it wasn't a good situation as a child I barely went to school kindergarten and grade 1 I went MAYBE once a week and the only reason social services didn't catch on is because my grades stayed up I was still learning at the same rate my lack of attendance was caused because my dad was either to drunk or to hungover to take me or I was to tired to go because he let me stay up and do what I wanted which now that these memories are back I probably did it purposely so my dad's evil Shanigans wouldn't wake me... in the other memories my dad cranked the wheel on an undivided highway during a blizzard when it was really icy so we ended up so far from the road that we could barely see the headlights of the other cars then proceeded to drag my brother who was 5 or 6 out of the vehicle for becoming irritated with me talking to much and telling me to shut up my dad took off his jacket and all I remember after that is my brothers screams as my dad locked him out of the vehicle and I begged him to give him his jacket back at the very least give him that... my dad is pure evil and I couldn't truly hate him before and right now it's really hard to grasp that he tormented people because he truly treated me like gold...