Well back in March, my period was 10 days late (and I'm ALWAYS early) and, despite my best friends advice, I told him my concern... But it wasn't really a concern because he knows I'm beyond ready for a baby. Well he's been down twice since then and hasn't touched me. I can hardly even get a cuddle out of the guy. Kind of broke my heart into tiny pieces, but I pulled myself together and got over my fit. Baby fever isn't gone, but I was no longer an emotional wreck over the disappointment of negative tests and my period coming back. 

Now, 2 months later, my sister is pregnant with her second child. I'm jealous. And it's mostly because she smokes weed around the kid she has, is living in a hotel at someone else's expense, she's with a deadbeat guy who won't marry her ( though he "absolutely loves her") and he just makes whatever money buy selling pills, won't get a job. Basically, 3 years worth of bad decisions piled up. Meanwhile, I paid off my truck a year ago, I'm buying a (tiny) house, I've got a steady job, and a man who is worthy to have a family with. I'm getting my life in order in hopes of having a family one day. I'm actually TRYING to build a decent life for my family. And here she is, doesn't give a __ and God says 'here's a kid! Oh, here's another!'. I know I'm being selfish, and I kind of feel like I have the right to be. I've been crying all day and my boyfriend doesn't understand that this goes beyond 'baby fever' and he thinks I'm being ridiculous and illogical.