I need some help here. Today was a horrible day. We are trying to conceive since January. I never thought that ttc will be such a stressful time. It wasn't at first but with every negative test my hope sinks. 

Today was my af was due. I didn't have any signs so I was so happy when I woke up and so positive about everything. I think I was even smiling during the day without any reason. So I went to work and paid attention to any kind of cramping (which I usually get a day before af, I didn't this time that's why I was hopeful). I went to the toilet about 50 times to check. I was so happy everytime no blood was seen. I imagined  how I would buy a test after work and test when I am home. And how I should tell the hubby the great news. Wraping up a little box as a present with the test in it. As time went by I realized I couldn't think about anything else. So I went and bought a test from the pharmacy quickly. I was so sure this will be our month. Normally I would never test anywhere else besides home. But i thought if I get that BFP now I can go and get that little present box and prepare everything till the hubby comes home. 

There we go. I got the test, went to the toilet at work. Locked myself in. Tested!BFN!!!!!!!

I was sweating. I literally started crying. I was so disappointed. How should I go out know without people recognizing my eyes?!

I am just so done. This was the 5th cycle. I know people try even longer. But I am just so sad and stressed and don't understand. Last month I did a blood test. They were very good the doc said. Ovulation tests were always positive too. Now that I came home I started my period. Exactly 14 dpo. Obviously the cycle works perfectly but WHY DONT I GET PREGNATNT??? I just don't understand. Every month the egg is waiting and it just doesn't happen. I can't figure this out. 

Sorry for this long text. I just needed to get this out. Crying too now while im typing. :(