Any other step moms?????

Question

I'm not married.. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now.
He has 2 kids with his ex wife. 9year old son (almost 10) and 3 year old daughter (almost 4). I've helped raise his kids since his daughter was 10 months old!!

I was never a kid person. I fell in love with this man. (11years older than me). And he had kids. I fell in love with him and his kids.. something I never thought would happen.

I look at these kids as my own. Love them as my own. I want the best for them. Want the happy, healthy, respectful, caring,  well mannered all around good kids.

Their mother has made things very hard on us. Not only does she get $800 a month in child support... she also doesn't spend a dime on the kids. We still buy them new shoes, clothes,  school supplies,  school clothes, everything they need/want we get. And they always come to us in rags and dirty. I get kids get dirty playing outside.... but I make sure they are dressed in clean clothes and cleaned up before leaving the house....

My boyfriend and I just had our son in February and his kids love him very much and treat him very lovingly. 😍 they are great kids. They have their moments of course.

I honestly believe the kids would benefit so much more if we had full custody. But times are hard and we can't afford a lawyer to fight his ex.

Their mother doesn't discipline them.. hell we were all at the hospital in January and she encouraged the kids to play on a hospital phone. Wtf?

Anyway.  The kids act like brats with their mother... their father and I aren't so lenient. They know what's expected and for the most part they are great with us.

I'm just struggling being a step mom/parent. I'm struggling being a mom at all. 
I still don't fully feel like a mom even though I gave birth to my son. I feel messed up or something.

I have no step parent friends and I'm just looking for people to talk to who may understand or... may have advise on how to be a better parent.  I feel stupid. Like shouldn't it be magically programmed into my head on how to be...

*sigh* if you've made it this far thank you very much for taking the time to read... long posts can be a pain sometime. So Thank you.

I just wish I had friends who understood or knew where I'm coming from. I have friends who have kids and they look at me like I'm mental and sick when I talk about being a confused stepmom/mother..

I'm 25 and I'm a stay at home mom.. I would LOVE to work and help build towards my families future but not possible right now.. 😯

Thanks for reading! 💖💜💙💚💛

Answer

God bless you for caring and for trying so hard. Growing up, my mom couldn't raise us on our own and sent me and my brother to live with my dad and stepmom in another country. My stepmother was the worst person you can imagine. It wasn't until she had kids of her own that she went a little less rough on us. Those were the hardest years of our lives. Be patient with these kids and take into consideration that they're still innocent and mean no harm. I don't know you and think you're doing an amazing job and you're going to be a great mom to your own kids. Have some confidence in yourself and eventually things will get easier.

Answer

I'm 27 and dated a man with kids fortunately I already had 3 so I came in with some kind of confidence, but once they were with me confidence went out the window, it felt weird trying to raise someone else's kids at first. When I had my first child it took a long time for me to feel like a mom so I understand that but really were always gonna be faced with trials and tribulations we just have to take it one thing at a time. Just keep trying to do the right thing even if it turns into the opposite expectation. Eventually it will all fit into place. And keep ur recepts for the things you get for the kids and ask for a modification especially since you now have a hardship child in the home that changes things.

Answer

Im a step mom who is about to become an adoptive mom. I have been with my husband for 2 years and my son will be 3 in September. I have been helping to raise him since he was 7 weeks. His biological mom is a piece of crap who ran off on him at 6 weeks after failing drug tests while pregnant and after. She didn't come back for 6 months and stayed around less than a year leaving him with her mom half the time when she did get him placed with her for a couple months and he was abused while with her. She didn't take care of him when we got him back and she was seeing him. He was always dirty and bruised. He came back with bite marks, black eyes, diaper rash, smelly clothes and other signs of abuse and when we would give him a nice hair cut she would butcher it with scisors to the point we had to keep it buzzed or she would gap it up every visit. All this and she was only seeing him 2 days a week. We finally got sole custody and are in the middle of the adoption. We have delt with about everything under the sun from her including her trying to fight me while pregnant but as small as her just being a pain. After my daughter was born I was depressed and started feeling like I couldn't do it or worried things would be different or like I wasn't good enough for my son and alot like what you described as well. It took me about 6 months for my hormones and overall self to level out and realise I could do it. If you need to talk or just want to vent feel free to talk to me. I'm sure some ladies would be happy to email including myself if you need any advice or just need someone consistent. Stay strong. You got this :)

Answer

I have two step kids too, 9 and 7. I've been with their father for three years now and we have a 7 week old daughter. I love his kids to bits and always have. Our relationship has always been easy and they play an important role in our relationship.

I have struggled in my own way though since the birth of our daughter. I feel like now I know the love of a parent and child like I never did before. I really love my step kids, but it's nothing like the love you have for your baby. Maybe if I had them full time, but they have a great mom, who, despite me not always agreeing with her parenting style, provides for them well. Which I think makes it hard for me to love them like my own because that close relationship is taken by their mom and that is great. I just find that now , I struggle giving them the attention I used to. Not only because I'm busy with the baby but because I don't feel it the same way... I make efforts not to let them feel second rate in their home because I'd hate for them to resent their sister or feel pushed out, but it is a challenge, the whole reconstructed family.

Answer

I'm 24 with 3 step kids and my first due any day. And I get how it can be rough at times. And I definitely understand the whole "they'd be better with us than over at their moms." We have 2 of the kids full time and one part time. It is a huge change going from being young, to dating and all of all of a sudden having a family. I got my with husband when I was 18 and met the kids a year and a half after we started dating. I wish I had friends as well who had advice or even understood but most of my friends don't even have kids. It's such after a fine line you dance with as far as parenting them and setting boundaries up. And it can be overwhelming. Just know, that you're making a difference in those kids lives, and they may not always show their appreciation, but they definitely appreciate you.

Any other step moms?????

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