I had been hopeful we were pregnant again, and had some faint positives earlier this week, but they weren't getting darker, and then today I woke up to heavy bleeding with clots.  I know it was wishful thinking to hope we would be pregnant again so soon, but seeing all the blood feels like I'm going through the miscarriages all over again.  I wasn't expecting or prepared for the rush of emotions and sadness that came with not just the disappointment of not being pregnant but the reminder of both of the losses.  

These were my first two pregnancies, so we have no children.  I know the journey to motherhood can be long and painful, but I just feel so overwhelmed and sad to think that my body has betrayed not just me, and my husband, but two beautiful children that will never see this world.  How do you keep going without feeling responsible for the loss?  This roller coaster physically and emotionally is so challenging. I miss being pregnant and the joy of anticipating a beautiful new baby.  And as is the case for so many of us, it seems that all around me are pregnant friends and family members, that seem to be going through this process so easily while we are having such a hard time.  I want so badly to be pregnant again, and yet am so fearful of a third loss.  I just feel so empty and guilty.

Thank you for reading this and for any advice you may have.  Would love to hear some positive stories after loss.  Your support and sharing is much appreciated.