Oct 31,2015 I overdosed on 9,000mg of ibuprofen. I should be dead, but I'm not. Why?! 1 month after I lost my 4th baby, my (ex at the time) telling me I'm a waste of time and space, putting stories in my daughter's head making her afraid to come home, flashbacks from being raped, flashbacks from watching it happen to my sister. I should be dead.

Why am I still alive?! My life feels like it is going nowhere. I have two AMAZING children and exactly 3 months after my 4th Ioss conceived again.... Another baby boy. 24 weeks today!

But I feel like a failure. Im forcing my husband to move back home so I don't have to have my baby in the hospital alone. He hates me for it even though he won't admit it .... I'm a high school drop out who can't work because of her pregnancy and who can't get her ged cause she can't work to get the money and my state doesn't offer any programs ....

Why am I Alive? I should be dead ....

My kids are why I'm alive. No one loves them like I do! My kids bring me more joy than anything in this world. And going home will make there lives better! It will make my life better! I am alive because I God said it wasn't my time yet. I should not be dead, my kids need me. I need them!