Why am I missing him so much???

Hi ladies. I would be due to have my son in six weeks. I was told at my twelve week scan that there was severe abnormalities and was told I had to terminate. Which I felt no choice but to go ahead. I know it was a boy (which i had the feeling from the beginning) as I had him tested to make sure there wasn't any problems with me or my partner, which there wasn't and got the all clear to try again. So why has it hit me now?? I dream about him being born. he is so prefect green eyes dark hair. I miss him terribly slight thought and im in tears. Hidden behind my sunglasses of course!!!! This is the first my thoughts and feelings are out there.