Not Excited 😔

Judah`s Mommy •
So this is my third pregnancy. My first ended around 5 weeks my hcg was rising but not doubling. I had a d&c. My second pregnancy my hcg was going up and doubling perfectly. I thought for sure this was the one. I went to my doctor for an ultrasound and nothing had ever developed in my uterus. No fetal pole, yolk sac or ges sac. A few days later I naturally miscarried. Blood literally rushed down my leg in public. I was so ashamed and hurt. Recently I got a BFP, but around 4 weeks I had brown and pink spotting only when I wiped it stopped after 2 days. My pregnancy test lines continue to get darker and darker. However I'm still not happy yet and probably won't be until I'm actually holding a baby in my hands . I don't even wanna go to an appointment until 12 weeks. I'm now 5 weeks and 3 days and not feeling any symptoms. I have also haven't had anymore spotting, I'm just kinda sitting around waiting for something to happen.