'Playing the victim'
First off, i was molested by my father from i was in nappies until age 6, he was in and out of my life, attacking and raping my mother and i was witness and would jump on him from behind and grab his eyes at just age 3, when he had me he would take me to drug houses where they all smoked heroin and sniffed coke with me there, my step father came along when i was 4 and beat me to a pulp for 'punishment' and told me everyday what a stupid cunt i was and would ridicule me like no other, my mother would tell me to drop dead on the daily and laugh hysterically at my step father and egg him on saying she couldn't be bothered with me and would send him up to beat my legs raw red and say 'fuck up crying or il really give you something to cry about', he even offered lots of times to buy me a one way ticket to Spain 😐. Anyways, i was like a robot until 2 years ago when my fiance and i got our own place and only then did everything hit home for me, i realised how badly i was treated and my world came crashing down. I have since been diagnosed with clinical depression and PTSD and i haven't been doing so well, I've been sectioned under the mental health act against my will, twice in 2015. So recently i have told my mother i don't appreciate how im treated and i wont stand for it anymore i just want to be happy and don't want to be depressed or scared anymore and she keeps saying im 'playing the victim' and to 'get a life and stop with it already'. Her saying im 'playing' a victim role has made me feel really insecure like its my fault i am the way i am, its my fault entirely that im depressed and i shouldn't ever speak of it because id be playing this victim role. My man said im not playing anything, she just cant accept that i have my own voice now and she refuses to acknowledge her actions and apologise so she throws that at me to make me feel worse and to leave her alone. I don't speak of anything in the past, but i am honest about whether im having a shit day or not and say if im feeling like curling in a ball and having a good cry. Then the next day im OK and im out doing things and being active. What a head fuck. What does playing a victim even mean? Like im acting or playing some role? Surely i AM a victim and not putting on some act? Its not like im begging for attention i hide away and don't contact anyone. STRESS