I have no one in my life that understands or even knew what PCOS was until I was diagnosed a few months ago.

It's disheartening knowing the struggle that I have to deal with that I barely understand myself. I knew before that something just wasn't right about me. I was having next to no periods for over a year and was told a whole number of things: "You're maybe too stressed" "It's you're weight." (I'm 5' 3 and gained 70lbs in a year much too rapidly) "It's the fact you moved" (I was newly married @18 and my hubs is Military so we moved to his base. I am 20 now) "You're body is going through another change" and "You're just focusing on it too much"

I was basically being told I was crazy and making way too big a deal out of it. I did go to the doctor but nothing came back saying anything was wrong -even my transvaginal ultrasound. So I was like maybe they are right... If the doc found nothing wrong then maybe it is stress and it's in my head. Well before the doctor's visits at that time, August last year, my husband and I decided to start a family in Feburary of last year, which in part lead to the doctors visit. Being too worried about being 19 and wanting to start a family and how that would look to the doctor I didn't mention it outwardly as we were really trying, and decided to just focus on what was wrong. But again the results were nothing. Well months passed and stuff was still wrong, months with no periods or positive pregnancy tests. I was still stuck on how the doctor found nothing. So I figured it's been a year with no luck getring pregnant stuff is still weird, I guess I'll tell the doctor I am ttc. Well, she got more serious this time. Saying how I'm not pregnant and I am still having issues is weird. I read all about PCOS prior to her saying she thinks I have it but I was still in the dark. She told me she would do more bloodwork and depending on if they come back with anything or not she would send me an hour away to get a transvaginal ultrasound (the place closest to us, where I had gone to prior, wasn't able to have someone count the follicles.)

Well my bloodwork came back perfectly fine but a little if-y in some places, so I went to get the ultrasound (btw this hospital had free valet! Like what?) It took that week for some lady to call me and tell me yes indeed I had PCOS. I was releaved and angry and sad all at the same time. Like yes it wasn't all in my head and why didn't I know for sure sooner? And sad because what it really meant.

That was in April and I had to induce my period after a 5 month drought. No one in my large family on either father's or mother's side has it or even heard of it. Guess I'm the lucky one. The night before I was told I had it I was talking to my mom, I was scared they were going to tell me I had it (even though I knew it was coming) and she got snippy with me saying "I want something to be wrong with me so I have an excuse" (she has said this about my depression and anxiety too but yet says my brother with ADHD can't handle his bad behavior[to be fair he can't at times but just the double standard of it]) It pissed me off and hurt and she still shows that is isn't "a big deal" so to speak.

It hurts sitting here at night or even after sex thinking when will it be me? How long will this take me? It hurts so bad to see the many girls on my facebook with their new guy getting pregnant while I struggle with my husband of 2 years. To know it's my fault we haven't been able to produce children yet. I'm positive in some ways but I can't help but let the negatives get me sometimes.

If you beared through this sorry for the long rant, this isn't something I can just post on facebook or confide to anyone and have anyone understand. Thank you :)