How to talk to my mom about going away with my boyfriend?

Question

So before I get a bunch of angry moms freaking out, I am 19 years old. I've been with my boyfriend for years. We both just finished first year of university and we were long distance so I didn't get to see him very much (he's in Ireland I'm in Ontario.) so anyways we always talked about going to Barbados this summer cause his family has a beach house there and my mom absolutely refuses. It wouldn't be just us, a few of our friends would go as well and I just find it extremely unfair that they're all allowed to go but I'm not. I'm super open with my mom, she knows we've been having sex and I have a job so I have enough money for my flights etc I'm not asking her to fund it and I know I TECHNICALLY don't need her permission cause I'm an adult and for most of the year I don't even live at home but I don't want to ruin my relationship with her all for this vacation. What could i say or do to try and raise my chances?

Answer

How did you meet him?  Since he is from another country, have you been able to spend a lot of time with him.  That might be the concern if she or you don't know a lot about his background.  I know that you have been with him for a while, but how much of that time was face to face, so you can tell how he treats you and how he interacts with others.  This would be my biggest concern, even for myself who has had years of experience with men.                                        
                                                                             
Now, if you or your family knows this man well and can trust him with your safety in a foreign country I would sit down and have a heart to heart with your mom.  At 19 you should have the freedom to pursue the relationship of your choice.  I traveled for a boyfriend at about the same age, but made sure my family knew my itinerary for safety reasons.  Good luck.

Answer

If you do go she'll get over it and realize you are indeed an adult. She's just worried.

Answer

As you already said, you are an adult and you don't need permission from your mom, but I totally understand that you want her blessing. If I were in your shoes I would probably still go. This is a great opportunity, and I feel like you would regret it if you didn't go. (At least that's how I would feel). I would probably sit down with your mom, after you made a plan, and tell her all about it. Make her feel like you know what you are doing, you understand the dangers of traveling and you show her that you are prepared. Tell her that you want to go, and tell her that you would much appreciate her blessings.
 Perhaps ask her what her concerns are, and talk about them. I'm sure she is just worried about you :)

Answer

To be honest: if you don't live with her, if you're 18+ and can pay your own way, I'd just go. You're a big girl now.

Answer

You are an adult and I think I would talk to her about it. However if you rely on her for your finances while you're in school, I would tread lightly and try to remain respectful. I think you should go, but I would just take a tactful approach when talking to her

Answer

You should be able to have a life though.. Being young is for experiences like this and making memories to look back on your mum should be happy your doing things like this and seeing more of the world, instead of growing up with regrets that you never done enough.. I can't see her never talking to you again for going just explain that you have worked hard for the last year at uni and want to be a teenager have fun and make some memories to look back on! You deserve a break as well as some quality time with your boyfriend!

Answer

Have you asked her why she is so against it?

Answer

She'll live I promise. And I'm sure she loves you too much to let this ruin your relationship. Before my husband and I got married we went with his sister and her husband to the beach. My mom was furious. She said it was inappropriate and she wouldn't let me go. I decided I've worked since I was 15. I've been a cna since I was 16. I make my own money, I'm getting married, I go to college, and I helped Andrew pay rent and bills. Since we would be paying gas and food and for the hotel, I was going. When I came back she asked if I got her a souvenir and looked at my pictures with me. She never mentioned it being wrong again. I just had to finally stand up for myself to her.

Answer

Honestly, when I wanted to do overnights with friends (and boyfriends) when I was your age, having my boyfriend ask was sometimes helpful. That way my parents would see he was being respectful of them.

Answer

I would respectfully tell her that you know she has your best interest in heart but you will be going.

How to talk to my mom about going away with my boyfriend?

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