The day you bring your bundle of joy into the world is supposed to be happy and joyful. I'm not naive, I know not everything happens the way you plan it, but I was truly NOT expecting this. All day Saturday I was having irregular contractions, I was so excited hoping my boy was coming soon! I walked and walked and swam and hoped he would want to come, late that night my contractions were getting so intense I had to stop and bend over and breathe. My mom and boyfriend took me to the hospital, I was there for about 5 hours or so, walking and trying to get things moving! I started dilating more and that was it, I was being admitted and soon my baby would be here! I couldn't wait for that epidural that would take all the pain away, my friends all had one and they said when they gave birth it wasn't very painful at all, so I was confident I would be fine. I get the epidural and it takes forever to kick in but when it does its the best and I feel so relaxed! Now one of my worst fears was the epidural not working or wearing off, but my mom assured me that wouldn't happen, oh my luck, I start feeling twinges and I'm like oh crap.. About an hour later it's time for me to push and my epidural had completely worn off in my abdomen area, it was still numb waist down but I could feel every contraction and oh lord were they the worst pain I had ever felt in my life, I was so weak from not eating and so so thirsty, I knew something was wrong, they take my temp and I have a temp of 104, now I'm balling because of how I feel, they give me some tylonel and tell me to keep pushing, by this point I was begging them to make the pain stop, I think they saw how much pain I was in because they upped my epidural and gave me some numbing meds, literally all it did was make my legs more numb, this went on for 4 hours, of me crying and trying to push while being extremely dizzy from my fever, but finally I push my baby boy out, but he's not crying, yes he's breathing but he doesn't cry, I was so happy to be out of pain, thanking the universe that somehow I made it through that hell. Then I started hemorging, my mom said blood was just spilling out of me, they had to give me pitocin to get it to stop, finally they stitch me up, and my babies fine, although he still didn't cry that whole day. I had to stay an extra day in the hospital because they thought I needed a blood transfusion, and I had an infection in my membranes in my uterus. But when they layed that beautiful baby boy on my chest, all of it was worth it, to see him finally here, alive and squirming around, I was instantly in love. But now I'm feeling pretty traumatized to ever have another baby, I wanted at least two but I'm truly terrified of ever giving birth again. I know some woman have it worse, and I feel lucky my baby boy is healthy and that I'm okay but I guess I'm just so upset the day wasnt joyful and beautiful like I so hoped it would be... And I'm just so jealous of my friends easy births. So I suppose I just needed to vent some. Anyway here's my beautiful little man💙☀️😍