Alcohol and PTSD

This will be long so I apologize before hand. I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice or just needing to vent. There's so much going on and I'm so damn overwhelmed right now and feel that I am at my limit. I don't want to end my marriage. I love my husband but I don't want to continue living like this and I don't know what to do anymore because nothing I have said or done has changed anything.

My husband is in the military. He's been in for 6 years and recently reupped for two more. He deployed to Afghanistan in 2013. I knew he would be a different man when he came home. I accepted that. Well, of course things were rough when he came home. There were nightmares and flash backs. There was a lot of crying. Then I found out about an affair he had with my best friend. As much as I wanted to leave him that night I didn't because I was afraid of what he would do if I left. I loved him too much to let him do something stupid.

We went to counseling. We worked things out and I forgave him but he started drinking. At first it was just a few beers during the weekend. Then it was 4 a night. Then 6. And so on. I brought it up in counseling and it was such a big deal. It took the longest time for him to admit it was a problem and that he was self medicating with alcohol. If he ran out of beer he moved on to vodka or whiskey. Eventually he slowed down. He went to his doctor and got some meds to help him sleep at night. He admitted to drinking so he could sleep without the nightmares.

Its been over two years since he's been home. Its been a year since our last meeting with the counselor. Things were good. We were doing great and he wasn't drinking. But these past few months he's started up again. I've brought it up and pleaded with him to slow down. He always promises he will. He always brings up Afghanistan. I don't want to come off sounding horrible here but I'm tired of hearing it. I know I will never understand what he saw and what he's having to deal with. I understand there are things he will never tell me about his deployment. I am fine with that. What I can not accept is his willingness to give up and just stop fighting. Yes, he has a valid excuse. Afghanistan did a number on him. But, he isn't doing anything about it anymore. Its now become his clutch. Its his reasoning for drinking every single day. I can't stand it. He works 6 days a week. My son and I hardly ever see him. He leaves before I'm awake and comes home at 6 on an early day. He eats, showers and sits on the sofa with a beer. I feel like my son and I aren't enough for him. Like he can't give up alcohol for us. Or that maybe he drunks to be around us. I cannot stand him when he drinks. He becomes obnoxious and crude. When I'm drinking, sure i can deal. But I don't drink often, if at all. One of us needs to be sober and its never him.

I've cried to him. I've said all of this to him. Just a few days ago I told him exactly what I have been feeling. I told him I wasn't sure how much longer I can stick around. I told him I'm tired of being the only one fighting for this marriage. I miss the man I married. I don't even know the last time he touched me while sober. He suggested going back to couples counseling. I told him I'd do it but its not going to fix anything. He needs to go to individual counseling and work on his problems. He said he would but wants me to go with him. That defeats the purpose. And I know he is more likely to open up about Afghanistan without me there.

So, he agreed to set up an appointment. He also agreed to drink less and def none on Sundays because that's his only day off. Well, he didn't drink for two days. Then he drank the third day after asking me if it was fine. Then today, he came home from drill, met us at my parents while on the phone. He ate supper and we came home. He was on the phone again. He took a shower and opened a beer while telling my son that he couldn't throw the football tonight but he will tomorrow. We haven't seen him since Thursday night. Its Sunday. And he's drinking. He still has not set up an appointment with the counselor. I could do it for him but that would be pushing him into it and I need for him to do this on his own. I don't know what to do. The minute he opened the beer I left the room. I've been soaking in the tub for over an hour because I don't want to look at him. I really just want to take my son and go to a hotel.

**In Response**

Thank you all so much. I was worried no one would even bother reading since it was so long. We did go to the VA back when we were also seeing the couples counselor. He didn't like it there because they just kept giving him diff meds and didn't listen when he reacted to them badly. Opted to just stick to his PCP. And now the director of the VA is being indicted on criminal charges and there's a big investigation going on due to an increase in suicides of soldiers stuck on waiting lists and fatalities from ignored ailments. When we were last seeing the couples counselor she was trying to get a support group of other veterans together but it never happened.