How to break the news?

Question

My brother and sister in law have just started IVF. I'm so worried about telling them as I know it will put extra stain on them. They will be at the fertilisation stage when we are planning telling our families at 12 weeks after our scan. I'm currently 8+4 with our 4th baby. 
I feel for anyone who has difficulty conceiving.
C

Answer

From the perspective of an IVF person: Tell them before anyone else in private. It can be hard to take surrounded by people who then feel like turning to you and going "well when are we going to get good news from you!?". Give them the option of attending and don't be offended if they choose not to. They will be happy for you, but it may not feel like it because they are caught up in their personal infertility journey and emotions. Don't be offended. Also, tell them before they get their news just in case they don't get good news. It will be easier for them to take your news when they are filled with hope and excitement for news versus grief.

Answer

I have been on the other side of this and in my experience it was SUPER helpful to be told via text or email before we were present for any sort of public announcement. Email and text may seem impersonal to you but it gives them a chance to have a personal reaction (crying for their own struggle) while not feeling guilty about being sad in front of you. Then they can collect themselves and wish you a hearty and meaningful congratulations. This is a wonderful and happy time for you! You're being very thoughtful in your approach already. Just do not announce in front of a large group of people without giving them a chance to react privately first.

Answer

As someone who has been on the other side, I think it is best to just tell them in person if possible. A personal heads-up will be much appreciated. Also, they may be happy for you, but may have a hard time showing it. Have patience with them.

Answer

My SIL and her husband had been TTC for 4 years, when she found out about our first. She was pretty upset. I had never met her, we had only been in a relationship for 3 months at the time. I hadn't even met his mother yet 😣 Thank God they are all awesome people! Anyways, she wasn't happy, until he was born. Then time came and went with them still trying... then we found out about #2. We were pretty good friends by then, so I told her before I told anyone else as soon as I found out. She's the only one besides my SO that knew. So she felt involved and went through the scary times with me. Thank goodness she was blessed with her first when my second was 3 months old!!! She has 2 now and I have 3 and 1 on the way. She and I are so close, she's the best friend I've ever had. I'm glad walking through pregnancy ups and downs and relationship things has created the closeness that we share. I'm thankful that I included just her and she is too.

Answer

At least it's your 4th. I feel like they won't be as surprised or feel as much, I hate to say it but, competition. Can you wait to announce for a couple weeks? Or will it be too hard to keep it in?

How to break the news?

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