SO having a hard time dealing with my attack

My SO just told me that watching me have panic attacks, and flashbacks hurts him a lot because he can't do anything.. I know asking him to deal with it is a lot especially since I can't even fully deal with it somedays myself. I thought I was getting better after all this time  but everytime me and him do anything new sexually I have panic attacks and flashbacks and I no longer know what to do. I don't want to leave him but I feel like he's better off with another person who isn't dealing with this type of issue. I just wish I was the old me again I miss the care free girl I was who never thought anyone she knew would beat and assault her for no reason. I'm tired of living in fear everytime I hear his name or think I see him