Re:My Unhappy Birth Experience

So this is going to be long, and I apologize in advance. I'm posting this because I just read a post like this and just wanted to share my horrible experience. Maybe in a way my story could help another family avoid what my baby, my husband and myself went through.

Start from the beginning.

I was told multiple times by my doctors that I was unable to conceive. For a few different reasons that have no connection to my experience so I'll skip that.

I met, who is now my husband and finally I got a positive pregnancy test. We were sooo happy, and couldn't wait for our baby to be here. I made appointments with my family midwife who was to a surprise also caring for my sister who's due date was 3 days ahead of mine.

The entire time trusting my midwife because she had done so well with my sister's, and their babies.... and I shouldn't have.

I was sick the entire pregnancy which she assured me was normal..I was in pain I couldn't sleep, or eat (all normal) then at about 32 weeks I started leaking fluid. And I started contracting. She brushed it off...."false labor". She refused to check dilation because she claimed "it's too early" and "there's risk of infection".

A week later I ended up in the ER with contractions and dilated to 1cm. So they sent me home and put me on bed rest.

Finally (after another hospital had to check) she did..still 1cm. Then she tells me she's concerned, because my baby boy was measuring 2 and a half weeks ahead. So another ultrasound was scheduled and at that appointment (unscheduled) the OB came in and said he had to examine me. Him and the lady who did my ultrasound looked worried. He did his examination and told me I was NOT going to be able to have him natural. And scheduled a cesarean the following Tuesday.

That night I went to bed, woke up at 4 am in unbearable pain. Got up to pee...came back, coughed....and my water broke.

I woke my husband up and we rushed to (unnamed) hospital. We were both excited and kind of scared...which is normal.

They get me into triage...and act like I may have just peed myself. Seriously...I know that happens and scares some mommys-to-be but I knew my water broke.

They came in all the usual, told me I needed prepped for an emergency c-section. Which is when my nightmare began....

Firstly it took them two failed attempts and one blown out vein...AND changing nurses to start my IV. Then the same nurse who blew out my vein came in to put a catheter in..........still don't understand why that happened but anyways. Catheter hurt SO bad and I was told it was supposed to be pressure only. My husband suited up, while they rushed me back to start a spinal. Which again happened differently than expected. No numbing or anything just a man behind me saying "were you aware you have scoliosis?" While sliding my butt cheek back, and another nurse pretty much holding me in a headlock to prevent me from wiggling and shoving a needle between my vertebrae. My toes started going numb, then my knees..legs all the way up the my chest.. I couldn't move.

They handed me a cup of horrible tasting liquid that was to ensure i don't vomit and/or aspirate. Then laid down. I saw my husband come in and sit down next to me while they prepared for surgery. I looked at him and I said "please don't let them hurt us...I'm so f*cking scared!" And started crying. They started to cut, felt nothing which was relieving. Then blood splattered up onto the blue shield. My husband's face goes white...and they pull it up so he can't see. I hear a nurse say "oh my god!" Then other say "uh oh uh oh!!" The whole time my husband's trying to drown them out telling me "you're so beautiful" "everything's going to be okay" "were gonna have our baby boy soon" "you're so strong baby"

Then i hear the surgeon say "it's going to feel like someone jumping on your chest okay? Stay calm." I came off the table, slammed back down, off the table and down...and again. I couldn't breathe. Then I saw him. My handsome baby boy.....and he wasn't crying...he wasn't moving. He was limp. I was terrified. I lifted my head up and said "what's wrong with him??" "Babe why isn't he crying??" Then a woman rushed up to my head and said "this will help with your anxiety!!" Six shots later and I was out. Last thing I seen was my babies cheek, reaching out to touch him...

Then I woke up in a recovery room, full of my family who was crying and staring at me. And Nationwide Childrens Hospital life-flight team handing me papers.

I couldn't think...all I could do was cry.

Meanwhile the nurse was trying to explain to me that my son wasn't going to make it. My husband grabbed my hand and said "What do you want me to do?" I said "You go with our baby. Don't leave our baby"

I couldn't go. I was stuck. And alone.

I had hemoraged quite badly during the procedure..and I had to have a blood transfusion. I wasn't going anywhere.

Finally after three days..and the day of my transfusion I was released. I drove 2 and half hours and finally got to hold my baby.

We've been here for a little over three months..and my baby is beautiful, and strong, and my tiny miracle.

We're finally getting ready to go home.

Now I'm not digging for pitty. Going through this I've met a lot of amazing people who have been through so much worse. But...bad things happen. And I thank God everyday that I have my baby boy and that I'm still here to have him.

So with that being said. Ladies I know sometimes it's hard, but keep your head up.

Our nightmare was worth it. Because I have him :)