September 2014(17 years old) I dated this guy till sometime in May 2015. It wasn't your normal relationship he was abusive during the time we dated I found out I was close to 2 months pregnant but that day I also found out I miscarried. Reason for the miscarry is my bf at the time pushed me to the ground and kicked me a few times in the stomach. I never forgave myself to this day. I got raped sometime after I found out about my miscarriage. And got myself out when I had the chance I decided to date again in April this year bf knows about my past. And I'm a working progress. I used to have a high sex drive like him but after what I been through I don't. We try foreplaying but I just cant seem to keep up with him only time I can keep up is when I have a drink or I'm already intoxicated. This past weekend he was trying to get me in the mood, I wanted to but I was tired, I knew I needed a shower cuz it been a few days since I showered, and I was in the middle of Pmsing. Now hes giving up on sex and said to satisfy ourselves we will just masturbate. But I can't satisfy myself some reason and he knows this. He's not going to give up on the relationship just the sex. Im trying to figure out ways so we could still enjoy sex with out me loosing interest and going dry. Like longer foreplay and lube but he's not willing to try it and doesn't want to have sex again. Right now I'm devastated and regretting my decisions from my past. But I seem to can't get over it. Sometime today or a bit later of this week is when the wonderful angel should of been born. IDK what to do I tried talking to a counselor but she looks at me with sympathy and tells me I'm strong. Even though every month around the days the baby should of been born I take my pill bottle and play with pills thinking if today is the day I'm going to swallow them but I just end up crying myself to sleep. I want to satisfy my bf but I somehow just cant.