Mother in law pushing boundaries?

Question

I know I'm still emotional after having my baby almost 4 weeks ago, but I feel like my fiancés mom is a little overwhelming when it comes to my daughter.
It's her first grand baby, and I understand her excitement and wanting to hold her and such. But it bothers me when she immediately takes her out of her car seat when she's sleeping (and that it took me FOREVER to finally get her sleeping) and doesn't ask. Or when my baby is crying and crying and she's trying to console her and it's not working, but she won't give her back to me. My own mother who is more overwhelming in every other aspect always asks before taking her out, or voicing she wants to hold her but doesn't want to disturb her if she's sleeping. Or gives her back to me if my baby is crying and she can't get her to calm down.

Today, my daughter had gas and was crying/ screaming while my mil was holding her. And I let it go on a while before she handed her off to my fiancé and I held out my arms for him to give her to me. My mil then proceeded to stand over my shoulder because she wanted her back. I got my daughter to stop crying and start to fall asleep. My mil leaves to go to the bathroom and my fiancé said to me "she wants to hold her."
As if she hadn't been holding her for the last hour or more while I listened to her cry.
And when she got out of the bathroom, she immediately left, without saying goodbye or anything to me, which is very uncharacteristic.
I never said anything to her, was never mean or disrespectful, and I don't think I was being rude by wanting to console my daughter when she's crying.
I think my feelings are hurt thinking I hurt her feelings, because I do care and love my mil. I just wish that there was a little more awareness to the boundaries she's pushing.
Anyone else having similar issues with family?

Answer

I usually send my husband a text saying "I want my baby back!" He goes over and snatches her up from his mom, holds her for a few then passes her over to me. It may be immature, but if I were to try and take her my MIL would throw a tantrum. She even told me once that I get to hold the baby all day so when I'm at her house I can't hold her. When she said that you best believe I grabbed my little one and told her "if anyone wants to tell me I can't hold my baby, they will never hold her again!" Get your husband to back you up, it's his mom.

Answer

I would honestly call her and tell her that you're worried you hurt her feelings. And tell her you love her and love having her there to love on your baby. But you wonder if you can set some ground rules. And tell her about waiting until baby wakes up to take her out of her car seat and to hand her over to you when she's crying so you can soothe her. Tell her you're still learning the mommy ropes and would like those opportunities to learn. But put emphasis on the fact that you don't mind her being there. Maybe I'm wrong, but I got the feeling you really don't mind that she's there. Just a couple of things that bother you.

Answer

Talk about it and don't be afraid to claim your territory and set boundaries. She will need to accept that this is your hold and not hers and that anything she gets to do with/for your little one is by your graces.

Also talk to your partner about this. He needs to back you 100% in this.

My MIL had a moment last week where she greatly overstepped her boundaries. My partner got her to apologise and I basically shut her out for a few days to get some privacy back. She got the message. She is much more well behaved now ;)

Lets not forget: one day we may be the grandma's in these stories.

Answer

I'm not too sure how to give some advice but your a ftm and need to give off a vibe of my kids my way. Some people have good relationships and some have strained ones. Mine are both with my MIL and my mum.  I actually had to be rude to my MIL and say he is my son and I make the choices that I think are best for him and no one else has a say. She's barely talked to me since and I feel the strain even though she apologized the next day for stepping over the bounds. 
My best advice I can give you would be the next time MIL has babe and she's crying and goes longer then say 5 mins or so go next to her and say come see mummy, she'll most likely hand her over otherwise she looks bad.

Answer

I had a similar situation with my MIL during the first month. I had a c-section and she would help me out but she got to attached to my son that when I was completely recovered she wouldn't give me my son when he would cry. Sometimes when my son would cry and I couldn't calm him she immediately would take him away from me without  my consent.  I would cry when my son would be calm with her but with me he would cry alot. Now things changed my son is 11 weeks and whenever he cries I just go to my room and calm him down myself. I also talked to my MIL I told her how I felt about and I didn't care if she was going to get mad because I'm the mom not her and I have the right to care for my son he's my first baby . He's also the first grand baby on both sides of the family and everyone wants to hold him. Talk to your MIL let her know how you feel and if she gets mad then that's on her.

Answer

This past weekend we went to my inlaws house with our 2 week old and my MIL was practically on top of me wanting to hold him and all that. I told my husband that we needed to set some boundaries because it was overwhelming.  It isn't her first grandchild but it is her first local grandchild.  I fee your pain.

Mother in law pushing boundaries?

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