Living with my molester
I just have to vent guys, cause I literally cannot do anything else. When I was 3, my mom met this guy and they ended up dating. I didn't know any different so I called him dad and always have. They eventually got married and we all lived together, just me her and him. When I was around 4 or 5, I got into that phase where I always wanted to sleep in between mom and dad. All was well for a little while until one night I woke up and my stepdads hand was in my shorts, touching my vagina. I was terrified, and didn't know what to do. I was 4. I didn't even know that it was so wrong of him to do that, I just didn't feel right about it. Another time I wanted to play hide and seek with him. I don't know how he convinced me to do this, but it ended up being that I had to find him by placing my hand on his penis. And then he took me into the bathroom and asked me if I wanted to taste it. He then put his penis in my mouth. I was around 5 at this time. I went to school the next day and told my friend about it because I didn't know it was bad. And she told her mom, who told my teacher, who called Department of Children and Families on us. They came to our house with a police man and the woman asked me all kinds of questions and I denied them all. I was so afraid that i was getting in trouble, because my stepdad always told me not to tell my mom. I thought that I was the one doing wrong and that my mom was going to be mad at me if I told these people. My stepdad had to be taken away for a while and put in a motel room across town even though I said nothing happened. I had to go to therapy sessions, where every time they asked me if anything happened to me, I said no. I lied every single time. My mom asked me and I said no no no no no. She was pissed at the DCF people because the way she saw it, they were getting involved in something that didn't even happen and this was all for nothing. She went to the motel where he was at and checked him out and took him home. Eventually DCF closed the case and it was over. I don't remember a lot after that, but I remember we moved into a new house and had a computer room. I was around 9 or 10 and had an obsession with club penguin. My stepdad would sit me on his lap and watch me play. My mom would tell me to go to bed but he would let me stay up with him. Sometimes he would reach under my shirt while I was playing and touch my nipples. Sometimes he would grasp my hair and pull on it, other times he would lick my ear. Every time, I would continue playing as if nothing was happening because I was so so so uncomfortable and scared. One night I was having the worst stomach pains and asked my mom if I could sleep in bed with her. During that night, I woke up to my worst nightmare, his hand were in my shorts again. On my vagina. I rolled away and he quickly took his hand away. I was so disgusted and scared. Over the years he hasn't touched me since, but when we moved to another house, I didn't have air conditioning in my room. So I would sleep on the couch sometimes. The couch faces my parents bedroom door. One day I woke up and he was standing in front of the door, masturbating completely naked. He knew that I could see. Other days I would wake up to the sounds of him masturbating in his bedroom. I was so uncomfortable in my own home. Once, he made fun of the fact that I was eating more than usual. When I got upset, he came in my room and apologized. Then he said "oh come on. You know I love your sexy body."
I've told my mom about this like 3 or 4 times but we are so financially stuck that if he was to leave or if I called the cops and he went to jail, we would be homeless because we need his income. It's so frustrating that I have to live with the man who tortured me for so many years. I'm 17 and want to move out when I'm 18, but lord knows how difficult that is. He hasn't done anything in a few years but it doesn't change the fact that I'm still uncomfortable around him. I also can't shake the idea that it's my fault that he's still here. I could have had him removed but I lied. I was too scared. I confronted him about molesting me about a year ago and he told me that it was my fault because I wanted it. He told me I was "on his level" at age 5. He also said it wasn't that bad cause he didn't "fuck me or nothin". I'm just so frustrated and had to vent because I've vented to my boyfriend about it and it made me feel better but I don't really have girls I can vent to. I can't really do anything. If I get him arrested or kick him out, me and my mom are screwed. So I have to live with it. And it really, really, sucks.