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I’m doing this being single thing wrong.
My ex let’s call him G,
who was also my first love when I was 16. We occasionally meet up through out the last 5 years remaining friends, and catching up. Hoping we would get back together. Well this past March 2016, I gave him my virginity. Because we made a promise to be each other’s first. We fulfilled that promise.But then I was sexually assaulted and then he left me. He told me “ we can remain being friends.” Now I’m trying to not think about him.
Then my other ex let’s call him J.
I meet him in 2014 and we dated for 1 year and 3 months. But he cheated on me and I’m still trying to get the memory of him out my head as well. We still remain friends but he told me “ he’s still in love with me”. Now I don’t talk to niether of them. </p>
My first night with G was amazing and I loved it. Part of me was honoring the promise G and I made years ago but it was fun. But I have to be honest when your first love tells you “ we could have waited.” That butterfly feeling slowly goes away. When I talk to him, it’s like we are still friends and I know you love me to as well. He’s sensitive and knows my emotions very well.
The thing with J is that I have trust issues and a few other personal issues to work on. I know he still wants me but don’t try to keep in contact with me for a month while I am gone and then when i get back nothing happens. No action no nothing. Thanks, I did tell J I wish I had gave him my V card because “ I still love him and boy he has some moves.” But he has a way of being very aggressive and demanding.
I’m in this crazy love triangle I love G for his caring, selfless acts and the way he knows me on an emotional level.
Where as with J I feel for him because he embraces who he is. He knows more than he lets on he’s a mystery. He debates with me and we have small moments where he challenges me.
Each of my friends and family have difference of opinions of both guys. Only because in the end I get hurt by both guys.
I’m sort of a hopeless romantic and sometimes “ the heart wants what the heart wants” but I don’t have a heart anymore.
All I want is my heart back from each of them so I can move on for good. That way I can start moving forward and healing.
I just don’t want to be let down anymore.
This is tough 😢😢😢
Now I have to choose.