Love Triangle

Zena
I’m doing this being single thing wrong. 
My ex let’s call him G, 
who was also my first love when I was 16.  We occasionally meet up through out the last 5 years remaining friends, and catching up. Hoping we would get back together. Well this past March 2016, I gave him my virginity. Because we made a promise to be each other’s first. We fulfilled that promise.But then I was sexually assaulted and then he left me.  He told me “ we can remain being friends.” Now I’m trying to not think about him.
Then my other ex let’s call him J. 
I meet him in 2014 and we dated for 1 year and  3 months. But he cheated on me and I’m still trying to get the memory of him out my head as well. We still remain friends but he told me “ he’s still in love with me”. Now I don’t talk to niether of them. </p>
My first night with G was amazing and I loved it. Part of me was honoring the promise G and I made years ago but it was fun. But I have to be honest when your first love tells you “ we could have waited.” That butterfly feeling slowly goes away. When I talk to him, it’s like we are still friends and I know you love me to as well. He’s sensitive and knows my emotions very well. 
The thing with J is that I have trust issues and a few other personal issues to work on. I know he still wants me but don’t try to keep in contact with me for a month while I am gone and then when i get back nothing happens. No action no nothing. Thanks, I did tell J I wish I had gave him my V card because “ I still love him and boy he has some moves.” But he has a way of being very aggressive and demanding.
I’m in this crazy love triangle I love G for his caring, selfless acts and the way he knows me on an emotional level.
Where as with J I feel for him because he embraces who he is. He knows more than he lets on he’s a mystery. He debates with me and we have small moments where he challenges me.
BUT
Each of my friends and family have difference of opinions of both guys. Only because in the end I get hurt by both guys. 
I’m sort of a hopeless romantic and sometimes “ the heart wants what the heart wants” but I don’t have a heart anymore.
All I want is my heart back from each of them so I can move on for good. That way I can start moving forward and healing. 
I just don’t want to be let down anymore. 
This is tough 😢😢😢
Now I have to choose.