It happened

My boyfriend and I broke up after 2yrs. It was amazing at first then he started smoking pot n other stuff n it went down hill. We broke up the first time a bit after that started. I slept with 2 ppl n lied about it during that break up. He also lied about drug use n other stuff. He still took me back. Since the get back together he has not trusted me n I the same for him. He thought a baby would change things so we ttc. I finally told him I want different things, so does he, and that to bring a baby into the mix is unfair to the baby because of the "what ifs" resentment, lying, cheating, drugs his life path n my life path. He sells drugs illegally and I give them professionaly. So we decided together to break up. We packed his stuff hugged kissed said we love each other and that was the end. It is the hardest thing in my life right now. I know we will be ok separately but it hurts. It was a dysfunctional relationship but we tried to make it work. I have 2 kids n it's like he had to break up with them too. All I hope for is the best for each of us. Now I literally have no one to talk to. I have no family really and zero friends n I can't stop crying.