My depression is getting the best of me tonight, and I'm to tired of fighting it to even put a fake smile on. I wish I could just end it all, but I'm to coward to take the pain to escape. What would my kids think of me? Nobody knows it's gotten this bad, and there's nobody to talk to. I was cutting, but haven't since Nov. 2015, ive had the urge for two days now and ready to just give in. Everyone says if you're depressed about your life, do something about it, but they don't realize sometimes you can't. I keep praying for change, happiness within myself, for my kids, for me, but I just can't find it anymore. I love my kids with all my heart and soul, sometimes they are the only thing that makes me not cut, or to get out of bed in the morning. Please if you believe in prayer, and have a free minute, say a short prayer for me. I need help, and ive tried reaching out locally, but I've gotten nothing. I'm not speaking of food, money, or anything like that, I mean I've tried to find a psychologist, and nobody will take me. I can't talk to friends or family, and some things I can't even tell a psychologist. How far after you hit bottom does it ever start to get better? I apologize for the horrible grammar and rambling in case someone actually did read this.