I started using pain pills in 2006, not everyday at first but it spiraled out of control over the following years. After some traumatic situations, thousands of dollars, endless broken hearts and deep soul searching I got clean in October 2012 with the help of a structured outpatient Medication Assisted Recovery Clinic. I was put on Subutex and a strict schedule/routine. I thrived, got my life in order, regained my families trust, found employment and eventually met the love of my life! From the beginning we have planned to have children and the only thing standing in our way was my medication so I started working with my counselor to "dose down". They said it would be safe to continue the subutex while pregnant but I didn't want to be on it anymore and put our innocent child through painful withdraws for the mistakes I made. I wanted to give our child the best start at life. So over the last year I dosed from 16mg a day down to 2mg a day. April 4th was the last day I took subutex, and despite dosing down to such a low dose, it was rough to come off of! But here I am 3 months later and feeling better than ever! 100% clean, sober and HAPPY! I know addiction is a touchy subject with a lot of stigma that comes along with it mainly due to the fact no one likes to talk about their own struggles or their families/friends that have fought this disease. It's ugly and scary and makes everyone involved feel shame. It kills, easily and without concern for who you are or the life you have dreamt of.