Post partum real talk 🙆

The first two weeks I was a hormonal mess. Ugly crying all the time. Recovering from a c section and caring for a newborn isn't an easy task either.

The first 2 weeks is like a high I didn't sleep for 3 days when I had my son. I was so blissfully happy at first and didn't mind waking up so much for feedings and then after the first 2 weeks I got post partum depression and I was so down and thought why did I do this I'm never gonna get a good night's sleep why did I want a baby but of course that went away with time I absolutely adore my son! He's 5 months this week and he sleeps all night, getting into a bedtime routine helped so much! You're gonna have a lot of cramping and right after birth standing will kinda hurt as your organs sag back into place but truly being a mom is the best thing that's ever happened to me and I'm already ttc #2!

The first three days were bliss. Didn't sleep much, pumping and visiting our daughter every 3 hours in the NICU... But we were so deep in love, so connected. We even screwed around in the hospital post parting room(just pleasure for him). Then Friday after the birth I had my first melt down. I had set an alarm for middle of the night to pump and go to the NICU to visit little one and we had slept right through it and woke to sunlight and the morning blood work rounds. I lost my mind, uncontrollably crying, thought I had ruined my milk supply because I'd gone too long with out pumping, thought I was a terrible mother because I'd missed a window to go see her. She was alone in the NICU in a box and her mommy wasn't there for her. The rounds nurse went and got literally a legion of nurses and the lactation consultant and with the help of my hubby, they were able to get me through my panic attack. For the first few weeks it was mainly just exhaustion. Two weeks after her birth, my husband left for 10weeks with the Army with no contact home. About a month after birth is when my fatigue and general frustrations began to become more of a dark cloud that followed me and this anxiety welling up in me that even during good times never fully went away. It was like walking on egg shells in my own mind. I refused help, I was ashamed that I might need it, which was dumb. I didn't want to be on medication. When my hubby came home, things got better at first and then much worse. I began seeing a psychiatrist and she suggested therapy and medication. I knew medication while breastfeeding was something I was very against and opted for therapy, it really really helped me. Now 13 months later I feel like I have a handle on things and the postpartum issues have passed. My advice is to take your problems, fears, worries, seriously. Be open about them early on to your doctor, get the necessary help you need, don't let anyone or yourself shame you for going through some tough feelings.

It was a mixture of all of those things for me! I was happy and so in love with my son and husband, but also in a lot of physical pain so I would become irritable and emotional quite easily. I also caught the flu my first night home. So I was a mixture of the happiest I'd ever been and totally f**king miserable. I would cry happy tears, sad tears, overwhelmed tears, and sometimes tears over absolutely nothing. The hormones are like pregnancy hormones on steroids, times ten! Lol. It's definitely a crazy time. I'm happy I wasn't to proud to let my family take pictures. Those unshowered, sleep deprived, no makeup, postpartum belly out pictures are some of the most valuable souvenirs I have from that time.

Both times I've been a mess after delivering. For like month after I would cry for no apparent reason. I felt horrible for being able to catch up on house work and even worse after my second because my first wanted to spend time with me but I was taking care of baby so much that I felt like I didn't have time. I was exhausted a lot of the time. Both times were a huge adjustment. I eventually got the hang of it. I'm still not super mom but I worked out my own schedule that works.