I thought I'd share my thoughts on our birth experiences and how this time around what a world of difference it was. 

My eldest, Felicity was bought into the world in thick thick meconium & serious distress (decels up to 90bmp taking 3-5mins to recover) after labouring unsuccessfully for 47hours. I was completely exhausted, which meant that the surgery was a complete blur. I had very little coherence throughout the whole procedure. 

I remember my hands shaking uncontrollably, the fact that she was green and I laughed and called her an alien, the strange gurgling sound she made. She was taken to NICU, I had excessive bleeding and had a haemorrhage in recovery. Marty didn't know about what was happening with me as he was with Felicity, and I didn't get to hold her for 12 hours after birth - I couldn't get to the NICU and no one thought to bring her to me, or would allow my husband to bring her up. We had major issues breastfeeding and my milk didn't properly come in until day 5. She born at 41+6, and weighed 9lb 4oz. 

This time, we woke up early on the 23rd, knowing today we'd have a baby. We arrived at hospital at 7, to find out we were first on the surgical list. Everything was explained to us in detail, by 8am we were in theatre, everyone was calm, chatty, making jokes ... Feeling the spinal block take over was a weird sensation, but not as strange as the feeling of tugging, almost as if my body was putty. It's bizarre, and there is no real definitive way of explaining or describing the sensation. 

I distinctly recall the sensation of Nadine leaving my body - it was accompanied by Marty saying "she's coming- here she is!" I actually shed a tear as they lifted her up so I could see her. She was cleaned up & bought to me, and I was able to hold her while they sewed me up. My bleeding was controlled and normal, and we were taken to recovery together, where I was able to have total skin to skin. She latched straight away, and by day 3 my milk is well in and she is (I am fairly certain) gaining weight. She was born at 39+5 and weighed 8lb 6oz

It was an absolutely soul healing experience. I am so so glad I chose to have an elective caesarean. For those of you who have had emergency c-sections, and don't know what they would choose next time - know that a planned Caesar can be just as healing as a successful VBAC. I feel like I got the birth experience I should have always have had.