I'm loosing my mind

I have been in a relationship with my now ex boyfriend for 2 years. Tues may 24th he hit me for the last and final time. It was 2 hours of severe assaults. So bad I lost consciousness. He choked, punched me in the head and several places on my body, head butted me, dislocated my shoulder, attempted to break both my wrists (only severe sprains occurred) sat on my chest, split my lip open and kicked me. It was so bad I was dizzy and knew the blow to my head needed medical attention quickly. I got out of the house FINALLY to call 911! Why the hell do I miss him? Why the hell am I mad that 5 days after he has a new girlfriend? What the hell is wrong with me?