Why do I do this to myself

I think I ovulated. I got positive lh surge yesterday and today and been getting light pains on left side. I'm lying in bed and all I can think about is seeing that BFP. I'm googling my possible due date if I conceive today. I'm thinking about how I'm gonna tell my partner how I'm gonna tell my family. I'm thinking about hearing the heartbeat and seeing the scan. Does anyone else get like this? I'm not even pregnant and have unconditional love for a baby that might have not eve been conceived yet. 2ww now I guess. I dunno why I build my hopes up :( I'm praying it's our month. Please God please give us our rainbow💖💖💖 🙏🌈👶