Before I got pregnant I was finally happy with my body. Sure there can always be a few tweaks here and there but over all for the first time in 25 years I was actually happy with my body.  That made being pregnant so much fun because then I fell in love with my body. (Yes you read that LOVE!) 

Then I had our precious little teddy bear and I actually still like my body. Everything was fantastic. I loved my body, my husband loved my body and our sex life was great.  Then because of a combination of things I was unable to breastfeed our son. This BROKE me. 

There was nothin more I wanted to provide for my son than this. I wanted that bind with him. I wanted him to get all of the nutrients that my body had produced for him. I felt like I had failed him and my husband. A month into being a new mom and you feel like you have just failed at everything. So I struggled hard with this (and still do). And with that happening I lost my boobs. 

Now they are smaller than ever and majority of the time I feel like nothing is there. I hate my body. With that has brought on so many insecurities. Now every time I am around another woman with bigger boobs than me I shrink. I feel like I have to work a million times harder to keep my husbands attention. I have tried talking to him about this and well he doesn't get it. And majority of the time those chats turn into fights. 

I know things change when you make big life changes but I honestly thought it wouldn't change for the worse. I didn't think I would feel this way about my body. I didn't think I would only get a few weeks of breastfeeding. I didn't think I would loose my milk boobs that fast. I didn't think my husband character would change. I didn't think I would have to compete for his attention. I didn't think I would have this much doubt. I did think that this gut feeling would go away; it hasn't. I didn't think I would struggle this hard and for this long. 

Thank you to those who read this. 

Thank you to those for the love.