Warning.. a bit emotional and angry with myself..

My husband and I have been TTC for about 8 years. For 8 years, I have watched people younger and older than I get that coveted positive. Some of them, more than once, and for 2 of them.. 6 times each.

I.. sometimes I lose my hope... I suppress the want because I feel that the more I want it, the more it just doesnt happen. My husband has a 15 year old daughter. He doesnt understand. Oh, he feels bad for me.. but he doesnt understand. He cant understand, and thats ok. I just, I feel like I want to give up sometimes. I dont think I have it in me to keep the hope alive at this point. Even though people older than I still get that positive, they have all their parts working to full capacity. Im just tired, Im tired and its making me not like myself... not because I am not getting pregnant, thats not my fault, its just the way my body is.. . But because I am getting bitter, and angry... and that is not me. That is not the person my mother raised nor the person my husband married. It upsets me and makes me feel guilty because my mother looks at it as HER failure.. that somehow she didnt do something right for me growing up that made my body not eant to work correctly. It upsets her because I am so upset and devestated the older I get and the more negatives that come.

My mother is a wonderful loving woman who my brothers and I are SO lucky to have.. she has been my greatest supporter.. throughout all of it...

I need to stop.. the screen is blurry now.

I just need a hug... lol... and an Ativan.