Is my boyfriend cheating?

Question

Im 24 and my boyfriend is 37.  We have been together (and living together) since August of 2013.. We have a really good relationship. We struggle with money and "live on love" from time to time. But anyways, ever since I can remember his phone is on silent 24/7.  I, on occasion, will look through it when he's sleeping to see if something's going on that shouldn't be because I don't know why else it would always have to be on silent.  A month ago I done that and noticed he had downloaded snapchat awhile back and got curious so I downloaded it as well and sent him one. Even made the name abbylovesrob. No reply. So last week I had the opportunity to snoop and I did! Found that all this time he had been chatting with a girl (he changed the name to a Guys name on there) then immediately went to his text messages.. Sure enough that same "guys" name was in his messages he had texted her.. "What are you doing sexy butt" then I proceeded to go to his Facebook and he was friends with her on there as well!!! This was the day before thanksgiving and it was bothering me so bad.. I didn't want to be in the dark on the holiday. So I confronted him that night and he admitted to it and said it was the biggest mistake of his life, he would never for the rest of his days, do anything like that to me again. Said that the reason he done it was because he knows I snoop in his phone and I don't trust him. So in my head I was thinking ok.. So if you want me to trust you.. DONT DO ANYTHING STUPID ON THERE! Am I right?! He ended up bawling and in the floor on his knees crying and begging me to give him another chance.. I agreed I would try ex swore e never met up with her. It's been a few days and my birthday is tomorrow.. I'm scared that I will never be able to trust him again. It's so unbelievable that he done that.. All our family and friends always say we were meant for each other.. That we are soul mates and I feel the same but, I can't hardly fall asleep at night now and I just want to know what to do from here & do you consider snap chat and texting cheating? I love him a lot but don't want to waste his or my time if I will never trust him again... Please help any advice is greatly appreciated!!

Answer

First of all, I'd like to just say that my phone is on silent 95% of the time. Not on vibrate, but utter silence, because I use it when I want to, not when people think I should be available every second of every day. I will never be a person who is under the control of a ringing cell. I don't do anything suspicious, just wanted to clear that up 'cause I'd be offended if my boyfriend or anyone else found it suspicious. It's a preference in my case.

That said, coupled with the other information you've given us, your boyfriend's case DOES sound suspicious. He's definitely cheating - whether anything physical happened or not, he crossed some big lines with the FB and Snapchat, and going to the trouble of disguising her name so got wouldn't find out.

That's an insult to your intelligence, is what it is. Furthermore, to have confronted him about it and have him reply "I only did it because you snoop through my phone!" is the most outrageous BS I've ever heard. That sentence is literally all it would take for me to kick him to the curb.

Your snooping is an invasion of privacy, yes. Does that give him a reason to put something there for you to find? Fuck no. (Pardon my French) Do I think he did it because you deserve a lesson for snooping? Fuck no! He did it because he is selfish and didn't care about your feelings, and was dumb enough to assume he'd get away with it. If he hasn't physically cheated, he's verbally and emotionally done so, and that's more than enough for me to say take a hike.

Answer

I don't consider snap chatting cheating, but he did deliberately deceive you. That's a HUGE red flag to me. And it probably goes further than a snap chat.

Answer

It sucks because I can't talk to my mom or sisters for advice because I don't want them to not like him if we can make it through. I've done that before and it just complicates everything

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DON'T GO THROUGH HIS PHONE! Be a woman and talk to him next time. Women who go through their men's' phones are pathetic.

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You know, one time my boyfriend was acting really weird with his phone, on this app called kik. I asked to see his phone and he kinda just ignored me and set his phone down so I took if from him. Sure enough he was flirting with this girl and would say the EXACT same things he would tell me before we got together. It hurt so bad... 
He ended up crying as well, told me he's not sure why he did it and that he'll never do it again. I'm giving him another chance. He also deleted the app and doesn't talk to girls the ways he did with her. 
Make sure he deletes the app or your not going anywhere. And delete her number, and Facebook. If he doesn't, you do it, and if he freaks out, that's a sign.

I will also never forget him doing this.

Answer

Well my opinion, is wait a few days or a couple of weeks and see how you feel. If it was a one time slip make him prove it. Tell him to delete all those apps and Facebook. That's the only way to keep this drama from.continuing. If he abides then wait how you feel. Because if you cant forgive with time then you need to move on because the relationship will not be growing anymore. And its his fault for hurting you, but all you can do is gice yourself time to decide if you can forgive. Becaude if you cant forgive the relationship is pretty much over. I'm just being unbiased I know it hurts but everyone makes mistakes. You just have to be sure it is a one time thing and if he was cheating sexually(thinking with his penis) or emotionally

Answer

I feel that snapchat and texting are cheating. That's something I tell my man. He was hIding it from you so he knows he was doing something wrong. At the same time though if you didn't trust him already then you wouldn't have felt the need to go through his phone.

Without trust you can't fully love someone.

Answer

Okay. I went through this about a year ago and if you have to change someone's name in your phone that's already cheating; Because he was already hiding her in his phone. I would follow your gut and leave. It's only going to hurt you in the end. Also I learned us to if you do leave him and let's just say in about a month or a few weeks you realize you do want to be with him and you go back to him there's a possibility that he will never do it again if you hold your ground and don't talk to him. But also if you leave him what if he runs to her? Was he ever really with you then? I'm skeptical on this whole thing

Is my boyfriend cheating?

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