Am I in the wrong or is mum over reacting?

Question

I am about a month away from being sixteen and I have always shown that I am mature and trust worthy, so today mum let my boyfriend come over for an hour before she was home, so he was over maybe six hours, one of those being unsupervised but we didn't do anything we wouldn't have done if mum was at home.

While she was away my boyfriend have me a hickey. It's not the first time he's given me a hickey and I always ask him to do it.

After mum had gotten home I was having some back pain (unsettled sleep) so I went into her room to grab some panadol because that's where we keep it. I was talking to mum about my back when she saw the hickey on my neck (pictured). I honestly don't think I have done anything wrong, but mum went off at me telling me that I have betrayed her trust and gone behind her back (again, he has given me hickies before and when he did mum was also at home), and that I'm not allowed to have my boyfriend over ever again. She said I look like a cheap whore, but I've never been in an incident or a situation like this.

Mum acts like she's the Virgin Mary but she said herself that she 'whored around' in her younger days (her words, not mine). I'd like to clarify that I am a Virgin, and that this is my first real boyfriend.

She's never ever talked to me about anything remotely to do with sex - not periods, not how to stay safe, nothing. I do have knowledge about all that though thanks to <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">eve</a>- so I honestly don't know where she stands on any of this, but I know my own morals and limits. I wouldn't let anything go further than I'm ready for, and I wouldn't let that happen for some time yet, but at the same time I'm not going to act like a gradeschooler and like I'm going to get cooties if I go near him 😂

I want to clarify that we didn't have sex, or even get close to having sex

So what do you think? Am I in the wrong for letting Zach give me a hickey, or is mum just over reacting? How would you guys react in mine or my mother's situation?

Answer

If it was my mum, I would've been buried alive for something this little however based on the information you've provided I'm going to say your mum is totally overreacting, thay being said, for as long as you're living under her roof, the respectful thing to do is abide by her rules. It seems as though she made some regretful mistakes at your age and doesn't want you making the same ones.

Answer

I think your mom don't want you to follow in her footsteps (whoring around).  I'm not calling you a whore at all she shouldn't have said that to you. Hickeys can sometimes lead to sex and she probably feel like if your letting him suck on your neck it may lead to sex especially if she wasn't there. I think you should let her know and keep showing her that she can trust you. I think some mother's who had a not so good past are more over protective with their daughters because they don't want them to follow in their footsteps. I think she should apologize to you and loosen up a little especially if you've had hickeys before and she gave him permission to come over.

Answer

Not only is she over reacting, she honestly sounds like a shitty ass parent if she can't talk to you about basic things that you need to know in life. You can tell her I said that.

Answer

well I think maybe she could have worded it differently but I kind of agree with her. I had a hickey from a boyfriend once when I was about your age and my parents were not happy when they saw it. I too thought they were being annoying parents at the time but now that I'm older (I'll be 22 in 3 months) and I see young girls with them or even people my own age, words like trashy come into my mind. I guess it's no big deal to have them, I mean it happens. but don't flaunt them like they're a cool new tattoo your proud of. cover it up with a scarf or makeup.

Answer

I think your mom was having second thoughts, and you having a hickey was putting visual evidence of intimacy in her face, branding you as it were.  So while you sound quite mature and nicely self confident around your own limits, and there isn't anything inherently wrong with a hickey, it probably wasn't very strategic on your part to let your boyfriend give you one in this instance.

Answer

It all a learning cuve! I mean you sound like a smart girl and clearly not ready ready for sex but a love bite isnt that bad maybe next time make it a bit lower so its not directly on your neck for everyone to see or even your sholder etc so when you put your top on its not visable! I had many love bites at your age (iwasnt a whore) haha but its all part of growing up..i think your mums over reacting a little bit! She hasnt even gave you the tools to even understand sex or periods never mind trying to tell you what to do! As long as your informed and you know to wait until the right time a mark on you neck is nothing! Just be safe!

Answer

I agree with mum hun yes she did overract some but she wants you to be safe she also may of thought since you have a hickey there's a potential you could of had sex just talk with her and clear the air it's good to have a over protected parent who wants the best for you and the fact you know she made mistakes that young she doesn't want you to follow in her foot steps plus hickey don't look good people call them trashy mum is just trying to look out for you. When I was your age my dad was the same way but try having your parent scare your boyfriends away I had to keep my boyfriends a secret lol now I'm 27 and my dad has only ever liked my husband hahaha

Answer

Your 15 under mums roof , she pays your food , clothes ? And what you do can reflect on her parenting . Hickeys are ugly anyway .. If you feel you need to have one do it where it won't be noticeable , just think if your mum thinks it looks terrible what others think about it ? Not saying your a hussy or anything like That but hickeys make me think oh that's looks gross but that's my opinion . Maybe try sitting with her and explaining it was only a hicky and was only a once off thing you have now gotten out your system . Or you could always say you popped the vaccuum on your neck to see what it would look like hahah

Answer

Time to have a conversation with your mom. You need to discuss ground rules, her expectations, and ask why this time set her off. It sounds like she messed around and regrets it and doesn't want you to do it too. 
At any rate, if you want to be treated like an adult you're going to have to communicate like one.

Answer

Have a calm, serious talk with your mom. Tell her, what happened and ask her why she was so angry with you. Tell her you respect her fears - but tell her although you know your do's and don'ts!

Am I in the wrong or is mum over reacting?

Let's Glow!

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey