Marriage. Sooner or later?

Question

We've been engaged since 2014. We've never set a date or made any plans but know that one day we will. Eventually.

But I've been thinking about it and I want my child to have the right surname. If we're not married they'll take mine and if we are they'd have his.

So I'm wondering how to actually bring this up with him. he'll completely flip if he knows I won't give my kid his surname if we're not married. But I don't want him to think I'm pushing him into it.

I don't want a big day, dress, guests and all that. I want a marriage, not a wedding. I'd be happy with a register office and a witness. It's him that wants the full works stag do friends and family etc

Anyone got advice?

Answer

I've never heard of someone not giving the child the fathers last name (when he is in the picture) just bc they are not married? That sounds more like you want his last name before you will let you child have it? But at any rate...maybe with a baby on the way he will be more willing to do a small wedding. You could always do a court house ceremony...and then back yard bbq with friends and family so you both still get what you want. With it being summer that would be really nice for you guys. Good luck :)

Answer

You dont need to be married to use his name.  Over where I live you automatically take the father's name married or not unless the father isn't around and left or wants nothing to do with the baby. We arnt married and our first has his name, so will our second. Same with my sister's kids. It his baby weather we stay together or weather we split up in ten years.... Still his baby.

Answer

I don't think you are pressuring him. You are already engaged. Obviously he wants to marry you or he wouldn't of asked. Just talk to him about how you would like to be married before the baby comes. I have friends who did a very small little ceremony before their baby was born with just their parents and siblings. Then planned their dream wedding a few years down the road and actually had their children be apart of it. It was exactly what they wanted. Or if the big wedding isn't something the two of you want in the future have a big celebration later. So many options. My hubby and I wanted to get married on a beach at sunset but we couldn't make it work so we settled for a more traditional ceremony. But for our ten year we are planning to go renew our vows on a beach at sunset just the two of us.

Answer

I went back to school after we got engaged; didn't want to get married until I finished for financial reasons. We've been engaged for almost 2 years and I'm about to have the baby. She'll have his last name so we will all have the same once we set a date & make it official :)

Answer

I felt the same way you did I brought it up by saying exactly what you posted/how you feel. I explained to him while I felt that way. He wanted baby to have his surname and I said not unless we're married. We too had been together for a while and debating marriage. I wanted marriage he wanted wedding. So we ended up compromising, we had a small wedding at a local chapel with a few friends and family and then will do something bigger later. Everyone got what they wanted and we're happy!

Answer

I think I've got it easy! Lol We've been engaged since last year n am 39+3wks today. He is taking my last name so baby will have my name also.

Answer

Get married, then have a child. That was at you'll all have the same last name.

Answer

My father and i dont have the same last name because he and my mom split up right before i was born and got back together right after. My mom has always tried to get me to change it to his. Ive never wanted to because i dont like how it sounds with my name and ive was using that my entire life. I thought it was way to late to change it by the time i had i choice. I know this has always bothered him. He always "joked" about my last name not being my real name. So just sit him down and make sure you tell him as nice as possible. I know my babies father and i are not married but he is the only man in his family that can give his kids his last name to continue. Its a really big deal to him. And we have been engaged for the same amount of time. Just be really nice about it. If you guys are planning to get married anyway, you might want to give him/her both of your names. And you can just add his to yours later on.

Answer

You could always do the small thing just before baby and then have a big reception on your anniversary next year or something like that so he can have his day too.

Answer

Why don't you guys just go get married before the baby is here then you will all have the same name. Later on you can have a big party that he wants.

Marriage. Sooner or later?

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