Basically, nearly a year ago my bestfriend and I got very drunk on my birthday and we ended up having sex. Durring which he kept telling me he loved me. We pretended it didn't happen for a long time, didn't talk about it. He randomly stopped speaking to me and went on a trip to England. He left me an apology letter on Christmas . We started talking again needless to say we had sex again , he spent every weekend at my apartment. We basically act like a couple but we aren't . We've both been involved with other people , me less than him . Because I fell in love with him and told him. He never said anything about it he just hugged me and said " I love you " . We again spent as much time together as we could , he randomly told me he stopped talking to all the girls he had been speaking too . He became a lot more affectionate and gave me a lot more attention and dedication . We spent two weeks together, he stayed at my place . Mind you he has a lot of his stuff here. We had really deep conversations about our feelings, conversations which he instigated. He kept repeating that he loved me. He held my hand the entire 2 hour drive back to his house.  Things were wonderful .  But he began to be distant , & randomly posts a photo on Instagram holding some girls hand at 5am , basically shattered my heart and left me confused .I've asked him many times if I should move on , and what he feels . But he never gives me an answer . We've been friends for nearly 10 years .  Our families are very close & he's done more things me than most of my family members . He's the person who will drive 2 hours to drop me off , or to return my wallet that I consistently forget at his house.  We still have sex , recently I met the girl from that photo . She wanted nothing to do w meeting me ( I didn't wanna meet her either ) . He told her I was his bestfriend , and I am . But my question is how the hell do I stop having sex with him . I feel like an idiot , but I have 0 self control around him.  Im consistently pissed at myself over it , because I feel like at this point it's all my fault for allowing it. I feel like I always instigate . I know it's easy to just blame him but trust me I play a major part  in this big mess . I basically don't want him to touch me or even hug me. Sometimes seeing him or his posts on social media piss me off for no reason. And I don't want to talk to him about it for many reasons , ( I've disappeared on him with no notice for weeks  3 times now & he's been pretty pissed about it ) . I've tried before and basically I just assume he doesn't feel the same way so I wanna make this shit stop and be just friends w him again. So yea , how the hell do I stop feeling this shit and have some damn self control .Oh by  the way he's moving to Germany in a month . ( I KNOW WTF )